Thinking on the "Rantings of a Mad Woman"

First, I just want to thank each and everyone of you for the lovely things that you wrote. I appreciate those who gave me encouragement and those that just said they loved me. Honestly though, when I was writing this it was so theraputic it wasn't at all beating up on myself. As you could see from the list I had both good and bad Kat said, a very honest and raw representation of myself. (I will NEVER quit hanging out with you dear!) While, I appreciate the encouragement from everyone and I could never ever do without it, so keep it coming...I realize that that post was far more for me than anyone else. I was slipping away, forgetting who I was, struggling with who I want to be, and who I want God to be in me, and I just needed to let it all go! This weekend once again, not sure what it is about weekends, maybe its me working every freakin' Saturday this month, but I began to retreat back into a little shell. My pastor had a lovely sermon, a sermon I needed to hear, from what little glimpses I caught of it, but my ears for the most part were closed. I was exhausted from Saturday and my mind was completely and totally shut down. However, just sitting here this morning reading your comments reminds me I want to live..."Oh the Beauty of God is Man Fully Alive"...Sarah Groves!

I was listening to Christmas music this morning, Bing Crosby White Christmas to be exact, yeppers I usually start listening to the ole Christmas around August...Did I ever tell anyone that Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday...I mean Halloween is pretty cool, Thanksgiving really makes me smile, but that Christmas I tell you is something else...FANTASTIC!!! So, I was listening and clapping my hands together and squeeling like a 2 year old I was so excited...I wish I were kidding, actually I don't, it's one of those things I love about myself and I hope my hubby loves too! Anyhoo! I pulled out of the drive and there was the moon all beautiful and brilliant...and I thought about the song "You are the Sun" on Sara Groves amazing and profound new album "Add to the Beauty" and how I am the moon...a cold dark stone, and I can only shine when I turn my face to the sun "son"! So, here I am, with this beautiful representation of a truth I need to be prevelant in my life, listening to Christmas music and, well, I just couldn't be happier! God is so good and His mercies are truly new every morning!

I love you all ooodles and oodles...and a side note for of my biggest struggles with people is being completely honest for fear of rejection...however, I promised you a while back that I would always strive to be honest with you, and I will keep that promise :) You are precious in His site and mine! (All of you are!)


~Kat said…
Thank God that Jesus loves the little children - I love growing with you, Melissa the wonderful - when can we hang out again?? :) :) :)
Gayla said…
Oh, Melissa, I hardly know what to say! (yeah, right) You're just the one of the *most* transparent people I've ever seen!

BTW, you're not a mad woman!

You're certainly not alone - we all have that fear of being rejected. It's strong b/c we all have the need to be accepted. We're not meant to go it alone; we were created to walk with other Believers.

When you get time, check out my friend Julie at Faith Or Fiction?

She's a sweetie, and she writes a lot about her struggle/journey, and about transparency. I think you'll like her. :)

I don't think it's unbiblical or wrong to be mad at/wrestle with God. The Bible is full of examples where faithful followers of God did. I believe He grows us and matures us in Him through these times.

"I'm wondering if there is any true and honest fiber in the tapestry I've woven and so foolishly called my life."

See everything you've written. :)

Don't forget the camera next time and much love to you~
Carol said…
Atta girl! You just sing carols at the top of your lungs and to your heart's content.

They didn't name me that for nothin', you know. :-D
~Kat said…
One more thing - I just so happen to have the Chipmunks Christmas CD - if you're interested :)
Pilot Mom said…
Melissa, I'm just checking in with you to see how your event went on Saturday. You had asked for prayer and I would love to put an answer down in my prayer journal! :)

I LOVE Christmas music too! Anytime of the year! I can hardly wait to begin decorating!
Mustang Girl said…
oooo I am glad I am not the only one that flips over Christmas music! Last year I soo enjoyed going to Starbucks and listening to the music and studying. oooohhh when do they start playing it there..gonna have to find out! Anyhoo... I was cruising and came across Mercy Me's Christmas album...sounds pretty good, they put their own spin on a couple of classics but I still dig it! here is the link!! :)

oooo I do love Christmas!!!!!!!!! sooon it will be here!! Yippeee!!
Melissa said…
I knew I liked all of you for some reason...Christmas is the BEST! I will absolutely check out Mercy Me's Christmas album Mustang Girl, we tend to start playing Christmas music in our store around November...Pilot Mom...if I could play Christmas music year round I would!...Kat...the Chipmunks Christmas awesome it that...I really like the Veggietales Christmas album and now they are coming out with a new one...have to go buy them both:) so have the perfect name! Oh yeah and Pilot Mom you can totally put it down as a praise...other than a little stress in the morning setting up and having only 13 teachers show up, expecting like 30 to 40 teachers, and the author showing up 10 minutes late, it was a SMASH! The teachers LOVED, one even gave me a HUG! Which is enough of a success for me! So you can definately mark it as a praise! know how I feel about you, I will absolutely check that blog...thank you so very much for your beautiful honesty and love for me! It has been salve to my soul!

Kat...I'll see you whenever you want :):)
Gayla said…
Not to be left outta the loop, I just wanted to add that I LOVE CHRISTMAS too!

Christmas isn't Christmas without the sounds of Andy Williams singing all the traditional tunes.

I know, I know, there's a host of you who don't even know who Andy Williams is. But that shouldn't stop you from getting his Christmas CD. Trust me on this one. :)
Pilot Mom said…
I have to chime in my agreement with Gayla! :) *sigh* I don't know, ladies...I'm beginning to feel a little 'old'.

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