Reflection of Providence

UGH!!! This feeling - the air slowly seeping from the room, all inward thoughts, people looking at you through a microscope…when did I get so self-absorbed? Sometimes my skin feels too tight – thin and about to burst. I fear their might have been a misprint, a defect, in the manufacturing of me. It is in these moments, when I reach out with the desperate hope of acceptance, and am reminded of the old ways. The path I used to walk in the darkness somehow seems eerily inviting. The fear of rejection is palpable to my heart. I am easily bruised, and very good at keeping the grey purple ache hidden. I seek for intimacy before a bridge for its passing has been built. I desperately need to be accepted. Thank our gracious Lord that I am not who I once was. The things that spill from me are from genuine spaces. However, there is a wrestling that transpires. Sometimes, in the midst of an unkind glance from male eyes, or wrong words spoken, I retreat into my tortoise shell. I hide, ...

It’s the soft part of the day where the sun blurs colors in halo; all feels warm and inviting. There is a corner seat with a small round table cloaked in a crisp white table cloth. Trimmed daises sit laughing in a vase on the windowsill. An older woman with green eyes sips hazelnut coffee. A weathered journal and Bible lay open under scraps of discarded paper. She people watches, turning the claddagh ring that resides on her left ring finger. There is an older couple sitting atop a park bench. She watches the gentleman take the woman’s hand and kiss the top of her head before he leans back enjoying the daily paper. Young children fly kites in the park - barefoot. Their laughter is a cadence for life. Women and men run along the trail cutting jagged edges along the park’s circumference. It is a beautiful spring day in the halo of the sun. A secluded moment of life fully lived. There is a peace that washes over the woman sitting in a corner seat of the coffee shop, as if all ...

                "Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." - Jim Rohn 14“Look, the highest heavens and the earth and everything in it all belong to the Lord your God. 15Yet the Lord chose your ancestors as the objects of his love. And he chose you, their descendants, above all other nations, as is evident today. 16Therefore, change your hearts(Hebrew circumcise the foreskin of your hearts) and stop being stubborn. 17“For the Lord your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords. He is the great God, the mighty and awesome God, who shows no partiality and cannot be bribed. 18He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. 19So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. 20You must fear the Lord your God and worship him and cling to him. Your...

I begin with " MY SUPPLICATION "! I had intended to write about something else. In fact, I had two other blog posts in mind before Sunday evening. I have been away from the quill and parchment. A layer of crust has formed over the inkwell. I read an old story I began more than five years ago. It was good. It had meat. By the end of the day, I come home, make dinner, and veg. I don’t desire to do anything more. Yet, my heart pounds with a rustle of inspiration. My fingers tremble over keys - aching to loose the caged soul behind carbon ribs. Sophie made me a book. She went onto Pinterest and found Cinderella quotes for me. This beautiful girl/woman took time out of her day, because she knows my heart beats for the Cinderella story, and found some beautiful quotes for me. It was all I could do not to cry. The quotes were so beautiful; resonate. Every girl wants to be a princess. Ok, maybe not every girl! I want to be one. I have a keychain that I keep my work k...

  4  Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; 5  it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs 6  or celebrate injustice; but truth— yes, truth— is love’s delight! 7  Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what. 8  Love will never become obsolete. – 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a (The Voice) The snow fell soft transforming the landscape new and clean. The wind blustered as peace fell deep, bundling tight under covers, canceling all engagements, I did what any introvert longs to do – I hibernated. It was glorious; Saturday last. While I was looking forward to my plans I was equally relieved to be able to stay indoors and shut the world out. The beautiful thing about introverts is that we are comfortable being with ourselves. The bad thing about introverts...

As you can tell by the title of this post, my initial point was to be light-hearted about this topic, but my journey tonight has taken some turns. While a bit more sober, I pray you know the joy that fills my soul...in the light of imperfection His perfect love shines forth...I humbly offer my meager words... Oh, to be perfect! The desire infects me. It twists, turns, and pulls until my sails lock tight around the mast too drunk on deception to unfurl, and catch the wind of His still small voice. The fear of rejection petrifies. My grace draws tight, my love stiffens, and my compassion runs thin. I don’t know how to fix this part of me. It is a brokenness that keeps me from trying new things. Fret puddles at my feet when I make a fool of myself. I feel foolish for feeling like a fool. The Eeyore statement, “oh, bother” is a companion phrase of mine. I don’t know if these words resonate with anyone else. Perfectionism seems to be the tempest that bends a woman, weighting her d...

I am long on staying. I am slow to leave, Especially when it comes to you my friend. You have taught me to slow down, And to prop up my feet. It's the fine art of being who I am. And I can't figure out why you want me around. I'm not the smartest person I have ever met. But somehow that doesn't matter, No it really never mattered to you at all. And at the risk of wearing out my welcome. At the risk of self-discovery, I'll take every moment, And every minute that you give me. -Every Minute; Sara Groves Monday night dinners with the Scalf’s are always a blessing, but the day has been long lived. The kids are wound & winding down. There is a quiet weariness to the adults around the dinner table. It is the wrapping up of a day. This past week we chose to do Saturday brunch – Frank’s donuts for the kids & Great Bagel for the adults. I am very much a part of the family.   I know this house. I know the inner workings of the rooms ...