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Showing posts from May, 2014

I push towards JOY!

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Everything feels abstract, as if looking into a kaleidoscope that is a bit askew. The caverns and dales of my mind can be toxic - filling a void full of illusion. I live there, amongst the bramble and waste. It is my Utopian world where I can rule. Every mistake is humorous and witty, everyone finds me fascinating, and I am always engaging, lovely, and desired. I play same scenarios over. They juxtapose the pain and hurt of rejection that I feel in the confines of my skin.
So much pain drains a colorful life to grayscale. I shut down, put up walls, and close myself off. I have come to expect rejection, silently hoping for it – proving myself right.
These thoughts and emotions are weights about my ankles. The tide rolls in and I sink deeper. If it were not for the beautiful amazing people on this journey with me I would have sunk deep into the mire long ago.
I come from a family that deals with depression, and I know how its fog can distort beauty to ugly. I have stood by and watched a…