Reflection of Providence

As I type there are dishes overflowing in my sink, clean sheets in the dryer that need to be put back on my bed, & my house needs a bath in the worst way. It seems like every week, day, moment, second I am being whipped into a frantic pace by something that just must be done. Why is it that we, as women, have this need to be responsible for the world. Life as we know it would surely stop if we didn’t bake that cake, teach that class, host that party, clean that pot. These tasks are in no way life changing, in fact; for all intents and purposes they are mundane, normal, bland, and boring.   Deep in my soul I was meant for adventures through Middle Earth or Narnia. The call for something greater in my life has always haunted me. I have fought against the mundane. In the end, it always catches up with me. Have you taken a moment to evaluate how frantic a mundane life can be? I think of the song from the Disney movie Cinderella, “…she goes around in circles ‘til she’s very very di

I used to believe joy would find me when I reached a certain goal. I had my life pretty much figured out when I was ten years of age. I would get married at 22, have five kids before I turned 30, & be living a blissful life with a wonderful & amazing husband. At 18, things changed a bit. I decided I also wanted to be a successful producer & director of quality family television & have the kids, the husband - all that stuff. When 25 came & went & I was no nearer my goal than when I was ten I had some years of resentment toward God. You see, I thought He owed me “my idea of happiness”. If He didn’t answer the prayers I had been faithfully praying since I was a little girl then where did that leave our relationship? How could He love me? I made a painful mistake in that moment of brokenness. I chose to try & mend the hurt on my own without truly giving it to God. This has led to some really unhealthy choices that have lingered into my present day.

I see the painting in my head. There is a field of wild lavender. A mountain range rises to meet the heavens to the right of the field. Their majesty only partly captured due to the size of the canvas. A plush forest brimming with wild & untamed things sits in the far left corner. The sun is just dipping her toe in the horizon causing the light to cast unearthly hues of purple, pink, orange, & gold against marshmallow clouds. In the middle is a young woman. Her face turned towards the sun. The painting only reveals her back. She is wearing a yellow sundress with tiny cherries woven into the fabric. It rises just above her knees & the wind has blown it up slightly in the back. Sprigs of lavender are woven into her long curly hair. It is clear she has picked the buds from the field & tethered her hair with them. Her head is thrown back & her arms are slightly raised from her side. You can see chipped red nail polish on her nails. Her position in the painting make