The Welcome Mat reads...HOPE!

It is virtually impossible to find someone who has not been affected by the thread of cancer in some form or fashion. I don't know of anyone in my immediate circle that doesn't know someone who has faced this disease. Even though it has been more than 20 years, watching my Grandfather's, who were salt of the earth, strong, hardworking men, wither & eventually succumb to cancer left an indelible mark on me. I was face to face with the real fragility of life.

The humbling privilege I have of working as a weekend manager at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge is a complete God thing. I would have never sought out a job like this one on my own. Yet, I cannot explain the peace that comes over me when I walk into this building. It is almost other worldly. In this job I have learned what grace is. I know that I don't get a portion of grace to store up, but I only receive grace when I need it most. I still struggle with the thought, "am a doing a good job?" But, I do that in any job.

We all thrive on being heard, understood, & appreciated. We want to have some sort of value in this world - to know we have mattered to someone along the way. I love talking to the guests. Just this morning I sat down with a beautiful couple & we talked about a topic dear to my heart - young children. In that moment the stress & worry left all three of us & we just were able to sit, drink coffee, & share our narratives with each other.

If I believe that each human being was created by the Loving Creator, which I do, then what amazing worth they have. I slow down when I'm here. I listen more. I am conscientious of what I am saying and doing! God speaks to me in this place. He tenders my heart for Him & for others. As much as I hope I am being salve to the guests at the Hope Lodge, they are salve to me. There is a great joy that happens when you quiet down, stop for a moment, & think of others before yourself. This has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with a touch of providence.

There is also irony in the fact that I work at the Hope Lodge. For years I had searched for a way to work with the people of rural KY. I love Appalachia. My heart for the people in these communities is so deep. I know it doesn't come from me. Many of our guests are from rural KY. They come to a large city, for them anyway, & are scared, frightened, & unsure. God in His infinite wisdom is allowing me to minister to the people I have such a heart for. What are the odds of that? I am humbled & amazed at how we think our lives are going to turn out & what really is. This is a journey I would never have chosen for myself. It takes me out of my comfort zone. But, in that it makes  the journey so much sweeter. Courage isn't the absence of fear, but doing something even though you are afraid.

It helps to have amazing people to work for & with. I love having community around me. People who have passion & drive for something more than the bottom dollar. Those that will come alongside of you when you are struggling & help lift you up, not watch you drown. The tireless efforts of these individuals & the character they display does not go unnoticed. Knowing people have got your back, before they even really have the chance to know you, is a rare gift. I don't know how to fully express in words what this means to me.

The American Cancer Society Hope Lodge is an amazing institution, with amazing people behind it, who are striving each and every day to care for the hurting. Our guests, bar none, are the best part of what we do. It is something you cannot fully understand until you are here. It is a gift to see the face of hope each & everyday!

So, dust off your shoes on the welcome mat, come on in, & know your are home in this HOPEfilled Lodge!

My Nanny Diaries!

The one big thing that I have learned in the years I have taken care of children is what complete, complicated, emotional human beings they are! Yes, there are still areas where they are developing & growing, but they think, feel, & reason! It is in these moments when you realize what an AMAZING Creator we truly have!

I have had the wonderful privilege of being a caretaker to seven amazing children for nearly four years! Six of those are in the same household…

I would like to take a moment to share with you, as I have done every year, a little bit of who they are as “tiny humans”…

THE SCALF FAMILY

I had a dream one day that I would be able to have a job where I would care for children, take them on adventures, cuddle them when they go scared, & encourage them to be brave! It has been a dream that has been daily realized through my care of the Scalf children! While, there have been bumps, bruises, & hurts along this road, all in all it has been one of the richest gifts God has given me. Dave & Amy have taught me, in abundance, what it means to love, sacrifice, & give. They have shown what healing looks like. The ache remains & slowly transforms us by its tender hands!!! The joy of caring for their children has been transformative & I know, will make me a better Mother to my children one day!

SOPHIE GRACE

I love Sophie’s middle name. It captivates the spirit of this young woman. She is intelligent, one of the quickest witted children I have ever seen, childlike & womanly all at the same time. She carries her emotions & sass on her sleeve! She is caring & tender. She likes to push boundaries & has extremely strong opinions, but this will fuel her drive in life. I pray that the grace & love she shows towards others will shine through, her childlike wonder will never leave, & her strong will allows her to reach her dreams. Sophie got the kids to put a goody basket for me! It was just a brown lunch bag with candy in it, but Sophie had taken the time to write a note from each child in the family. I took them home & read each one carefully. It was a truly precious moment of laughing through tears. All of the notes captured the personality of each child. They will be something I will keep with me forever! I love when she gets a case of the “sillies”!!! Her laughter can make the world go round. I love when she rests her head on my shoulder or snuggles with me on the couch. This doesn’t happen as much as she has gotten older, but having her in my life, those small moments, are cherished times.

AIDEN JOSEPH

His laugh can also make the world go round. When he is happy your day is infinitely better. I love when he gets excited! He is a complicated internal young man with deep emotions. He feels things deeply & thinks about things deeply. He looks at this world with an inquisitive mind, trying to figure it out. Things are very black & white with Aiden. He is an amazing big brother. A typical boy who loves to laugh at all the gross stuff boys never quite get over finding funny. When he & his best friend Ethan get together there is no telling what will be said. Aiden rarely shows physical affection, but when he does, it will melt your heart! He is a protector. While, he can drive his sister Haley completely batty (they have a typical brother/ sister relationship), if anyone was to try to harm her or say ugly things about her he would be on them in a second. He loves scary movies, books, & just being silly. I have a lot in common with him & I LOVE talking about life with him. His love for God & others is evident! There is no telling what will come from this man in the future. I am certainly excited to see what it is. I hope to continue to have deep meaningful conversations with him in the future.

HALEY ELIZABETH

This is the first year I get to give her name & put her picture up! She is now an adopted member of the family. Haley is probably one of the most loving children I have ever met. She is extremely intelligent & funny! She loves being a part of life. She can barely stand being left out. She is the first to give hugs & kisses to me. She is always eager to be my helper. I love teaching her to cook. Our baking days are so much fun. She is expressive & silly. She is one of the best snugglers I know. I absolutely love snuggling on the couch with her watching, giggling, & talking about some of my favorite cartoons as a child. Haley likes to be in control, but I think it is do in great part to having no control in her early life! She can feel untethered when she loses control & her emotions collapse. She had a breakdown with me last week. God gave me a real picture of myself! When I become untethered I quickly lose control & my emotions collapse. God often has to take me kicking & screaming down the hall where I need to be. In that moment I had such deep love & compassion for Haley. Even in this reckless moment she was one of the most amazing young girls I know. I saw how God sees me! I won’t lie that I pray for her most of any of the Scalf children, but I also have this sure peace that God is going to do amazing things with this little spirit! When she says, “I love you Melissa” it is almost my undoing! Her heart is as deep as the sea. She is utterly captivating & I love her.

WYATT BENJAMIN

When I look back on the amazing journey this little man has taken, what he has had to overcome, & the spirited gift he is, I am fully confident in a great God of infinite & real miracles. If you looked at Wyatt today, other than the glasses he wears, you would never know he was a shaken baby. He is a walking, talking miracle. You would never know that he didn’t really start walking until he was 2 & talking around 2 ½! The child runs, jumps, plays, & talks non-stop about anything & EVERYTHING! Do not say anything you don’t want repeated, because he listens to everything! He is inquisitive & concerned about others more than himself. Now, that doesn’t mean he isn’t strong willed & doesn’t want his way. However, he is the first person to come to someone’s defense. He does not want anyone sad or hurting - he considerate of others feelings. I remember us walking into my Mom’s house & he saw a wreath. He asked her what it was. She told him & he said, “I love it!” If he wants something he usually says, “Ms. Melissa would you please get this for me?” It is rare that he won’t say thank you. He loves to go. The boy would go all the time if you let him, but whenever I take the kids out he always thanks me & tells me what a good time he had. We play who’s the silliest, he usually starts, “Melissa, you are so silly!” “No, Wyatt, you are silly!”…& on it goes. Sometimes out of the blue he will go, “Melissa, I love you!” He is an utter gift! God has got a future & plan for this young man & I hope I will be on the sidelines cheering him on!!!

STEVEN DANIEL

Forever & always my boy! I am so proud of the beautiful playful spirit he has. He wears his emotions on his sleeve. He gives the most amazing bear hugs you have EVER had. He lives for laughter, but doesn’t like to be the center of attention. He is speech delayed, but there is very little he cannot communicate. Some of my favorite words he uses are “piss” for kiss & “bitch” for bridge. Don’t be alarmed, he isn’t cussing at you, he just wants to give you a kiss or show you a bridge! Every morning we are driving to school &, without fail, he screams out “Walmart”! The other day we were getting out of the car to go into school. He gets out, stands there for a minute, climbs back in the car & sits in Wyatt’s seat! I ask him what he is doing & responds with one word, “told” (cold)! He calls me “Sissy” or “Sissa”. One morning I was picking out clothes & I hear him call down the hallway, “Sissa, where you go?” One of my favorite things is when he is excited to show me something & he grabs my hand & says, oh so excitedly, “come ear, come ear!” If you get on to him he will often fold his arms across his chest, huff, & say, “I mad at you!” I love his expressive spirit, his heart, he personality…I know that God is going to provide a very specific & wonderful road for him to walk on.

BABY “R”

Oh boy, the one we didn’t know we needed!!!! This child is forever cracking me up. Amy & I marvel at her genius. She is the first on target child we have had & it often throws me for a curve. She has a personality to rival anybody. Watch out kids because a new hen has arrived to rule the roost. When you take her picture she just smiles as big & pretty as you please. She knows what she wants & doesn’t mind telling you in no uncertain terms. She LOVES to dance. That booty shakes & that head sways to the rhythm…baby got moves! She has just really started snuggling. I was gone a good bit over Christmas break & when I came back & picked her up she laid her head on my shoulder & stroked her fingers across my arm. I realized one day, after about an hour & a half, that she wasn’t going to take a nap. It wasn’t because she was crying; it was because she was playing! I walk in to find her standing on her head with the “ba-ba” between her legs! She is so goofy & an utter ham! I love her stinky face…she will scrunch that nose up, grin, & sniff through her nose. I don’t worry a moment about what comes her way. She handles it with confidence & outgoing tenacity. She is a TRUE GIFT!!!

THE MEADOWS FAMILY

I had the privilege 2 years ago to take care of Ethan during the summer. It has been a treasure to get to know Aiden’s best friend. I have also had the great honor of getting to know the wonderfully generous & caring people that are Doug & Beth Meadows. I am so blessed on this journey to see God’s love manifest in others.

ETHAN

I relate to this boy in so many ways! We love the same things…pirates, movies, make-believe, & wonder. He is truly one of the most creative young men I know. His wit & humor is beyond compare. One day, we had been watching a marathon of the Pirates of the Caribbean; he comes out completely decked in a pirate outfit. He had a pirate hat, he had made a sword from an old plastic arrow he had, which he attached a piece of construction paper, he had tied a toy gun around his waist with a belt…all I could think in this moment, was utter genius!!! In a world where so many children have lost their sense of imaginative play it is deliciously wonderful to see that spirit. He is a gifted artist & I have no idea how God is going to use that in the future. He makes me laugh, he is caring & compassionate! He loves to laugh & as I said before, when Aiden & he are together there is no telling where the day is going to go. He is so good with the other Scalf children. Wyatt loves him & I love watching Ethan be tender & caring with him. It is an honor to know this treasured gift. I cannot wait to see all the amazing things he will do in the future.

Let There Be Light...An Awakening to Advent!

"A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes...and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of  Advent." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"While fulfilling these sacred obligations at the temple, they encountered a man in Jerusalem named Simeon. He was a just an pious man, anticipating the liberation for Israel from her troubles. He was a man in touch with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit had revealed to Simeon that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Liberating King. The Spirit had led him to the temple that day, and there he saw the child Jesus in the arms of His parents, who were fulfilling their sacred obligations..." - Luke 2: 25-28, The Voice

“Christmas has lost its meaning for us because we have lost the spirit of expectancy. We cannot prepare for an observance. We must prepare for an experience.” Handel Brown

I don't know when God told Simeon he would see the Christ. In my imaginings I feel it might have been in his youth. Simeon a young man full of expectations & dreams, striving to follow God's heart. In his eagerness I wonder if he caught glimpses only to be disappointed when it wasn't what God had promised. I wonder if  he ever just completely gave up all hope of that promise becoming an actuality.

The struggles of my faith have often left me staggering from shattered dreams, heartbreaks, unexpected turmoil. The chere magnitude of this fallen world can often open up & swallow you hole. In the midst of the the blackness & pain it is hard to find the light. The pitch turns us in circles, clawing for a bright moment.

In these moments of deep pain is where I meet God. He comes seeking me in these times because He knows I will have an open heart, eyes to see & ears to hear, to what He has for me. I am so eternally thankful for the thousand broken dreams, heartaches, and misfortunes that come my way. Do I sometimes wish this road wasn't so painful...yes! But, in the end if it wasn't for the pain I could not feel His restoration, His plan, & His love for me!

As He promised Simeon that He would see the Christ, so God has given me a clear vision of the horizon. The beautiful cascading sunset of rich amber, purple, & gold has not lost its magic for me. I've lost sight of it from time to time in the forest of my own self-pity, but it is an amazing thing...this hope He sets in our hearts. He NEVER gives up on us. The shere thought of the God of the Universe losing his Deity, of  His own free will, to come as a helpless baby can leave you breathless. What manner of love is this?

Throughout the Christmas story, the birth of Jesus, you see people praising God. The angels, Mary, Elizabeth...the glory goes back to Him every time!

"Now, Lord and King, You can let me, Your humble servant, die in peace. You promised me that I would see with my own eyes what I'm seeing now: Your liberation, Raised up in the presence of all peoples. He is the light who reveals Your message to the other nations, and He is the shining glory of your covenant people, Israel." - Luke 2: 29-32, The Voice

I love the resolution in this proclamation that Simeon gives. It is like a deep intake of breath. A sigh, a comfort, that God does what He says He is going to do.

The past two years I have just barely begun scratching the surface of the Advent season. I feel like a baby who has taken her first bite of solid food. It is exhilarating & a little scary. Uncertain if I know how to work my mouth around this new substance, quite certain I will choke on its magnitude.

The lighting of a candle is such a holy experience. You can see why the Catholic faith allows you to light a candle for someone. This tiny little flame will illumine an entire room, casting the darkness to the far corners. The closer you get to the flame the clearer you can see the things around it. You can also feel the precious heat coming from its amber glow. If you pick it up and carry it with you the shadows & darkness will flee where you tread. In the presence of this tiny flame your heart slows, your mind is more reflective. There is a quietness in the moment that cannot be found anywhere else.

HOPE...the first candle lit...the hope that Jesus came as a baby, he healed the sick & comforted the hurting, He died on the cross & rose again, & one glorious day He is coming again.

LOVE...the second candle lit...what manner of love is this that would forsake all to come as a Lamb for slaughter to rescue his beloved.

PEACE...the third candle lit...what delicious peace we find in the love of Christ. We are settled in our faith, assured of  our future in His abundant care!

JOY...the fourth candle lit...JOY TO THE WORLD!!!! What a wonderful celebration...He is here, He is risen, He abides with us...the living breathing, literal Immanuel, God with US!

JESUS...the final candle lit...White as He made us...saving us from sin, loving us, giving us a hope!

Happy Birthday Jesus...oh incarnate one...holy, lowly, & divine! Oh find favor in this humble heart of mine, be reborn in me this night!

AGH The Movie, The Second Act!

It seems like a lifetime has passed since Waverly Hills - the etching of that night still strong in my mind. The memory of that wonderful evening will never leave me. I will hold onto it & treasure it as one of those moments in time where you realize you are just along for the ride. This moment is not a result of anything you have done, but a deep privilege – so enjoy it!

I knew so little of AGH. I am so thankful for that now.  I didn’t have the opportunity to go in with any pre-conceived ideas of the movie or the individuals. The experience began as a completely blank canvas which, in the end, was filled with the most complex, rich, colorful painting imaginable.

In the five months since, my personal life has taken some wonderfully unexpected & painfully beautiful turns. The hard decisions, the wounds I caused, the fear of things never getting put back together were, it turns out, rich blessings in disguise. I suddenly understood that I could take hard change & that there is joy in suffering. My life feels a little more solid. I’m starting to grapple with those scary ugly things I would have just shoved back. Heck, I’m writing again, which is pretty amazing in my book.

Initially, I found it extremely difficult to let go of my first AGH Movie event. The feeling it leaves with you is palpable. I was checking Twitter (something I hadn’t done in about six months) on a daily basis, looking for updates online, etc… Yes, I will admit it, I was a wee bit obsessed ;)! As change began to take place in my life the obsession began to slack into an acceptable appreciation, respect, & joy for the AGH crew & most especially the movie.

The American Ghost Hunter Movie is truly one of those definable documentaries that make you feel an experience. As I’ve said numerous times this documentary truly touches on the threads of suffering & hope we all face as humans. If you have read any of the reviews, blogs, or watched any of the video blogs & reviews you will know that I’m not alone.

People are grasping onto this little film with a big message. My hope is that, as it gains popularity, it will give voice to the importance, heart, a validity of the paranormal & paranormal research. It will make other viewers brave to share their story, make a change in their lives, or actually go for that dream that has been with them forever. My prayer is that it will simply make people feel, think, & dialogue together.

I love this film. It is as simple as that.

This Sunday, December 11^th, 2012 will be the second & closing act for me & the AGH Movie. I have purposefully distanced myself from the where, what, when, & how of the Winter Tour. I still feel like I’ve done a good job, my part, in promoting the heck out of it when & where I can, but I’m not really checking Twitter or Facebook. I’m not purposefully grasping for information. The reason, well, I want this experience to be new. There is nothing like experiencing the American Ghost Hunter Movie for the first time. I will never be able to recreate that experience. But, I want to go into this experience as I did the first, with no preconceived ideas or notions of how it will be.

I’m extremely excited & humbled to get to see everyone again. I’m also looking forward to meeting new people, because AGH fans are some the coolest & most amazing people out there. I’m stoked that I get to see the film a second time & I pray I will savor the experience. Apart from that I’m getting on the ride. I’m choosing to step my foot up on the moving train, feel the rumble beneath my feet & allow the rush of wind to take my breath way. Sunday evening will have nothing to do with me, but something far greater than myself.

So, it is with great anticipation that I say, draw the curtain, dim the lights, sit back & enjoy...THE AMERICAN GHOST HUNTER THE MOVIE!

After Lexington they will be in:

Cincinnati, OH on the 12^th

Fort Wayne, IN on the 13^th

Chicago, IL on the 14^th

Iowa City, IA on the 15^th

Des Moines, IA on the 16^th (Indexcase Rocking it out that night!)

Omaha, NE on the 18^th

Manhattan, KS on the 19^th

& Tulsa, OK on the 20^th!

For reviews, info, & updates check out www.aghthemovie.com.