The Frantic in the Mundane!

As I type there are dishes overflowing in my sink, clean sheets in the dryer that need to be put back on my bed, & my house needs a bath in the worst way. It seems like every week, day, moment, second I am being whipped into a frantic pace by something that just must be done. Why is it that we, as women, have this need to be responsible for the world. Life as we know it would surely stop if we didn’t bake that cake, teach that class, host that party, clean that pot. These tasks are in no way life changing, in fact; for all intents and purposes they are mundane, normal, bland, and boring.  

Deep in my soul I was meant for adventures through Middle Earth or Narnia. The call for something greater in my life has always haunted me. I have fought against the mundane. In the end, it always catches up with me. Have you taken a moment to evaluate how frantic a mundane life can be? I think of the song from the Disney movie Cinderella, “…she goes around in circles ‘til she’s very very dizzy, still they holler, keep her busy, Cinderely…”

In this season of my life where I am attempting to abide & not to strive I find my little sails can often be a little deflated. It isn’t so much that there is no wind. I just cannot seem to angle the sails in a way where they will harness the winds’ power.

I wrote in my Prayer Journal:

I am like a little lost sheep that has fallen off the edge of a cliff; stuck on the rocks and crags, my left foot horribly broken. But, maybe this is where you can use me. Is this what surrender looks like?

There seems to be an endless stream of frantic in the mundane. Satan wants us so busy, utterly exhausted, & relying on our own ability. God simply wants us to be with Him (Psalm 46:10).  As I learned in my Bible study tonight, “God didn’t create us to be ‘human doings’. He created us to be human beings.”

Another delicious point in the study tonight was, “God’s will is all about how He wants us to be. What we are supposed to do will unfold from there.” We base our existence on the unfair & cruel want of figuring this life out. We spend so much time on striving toward greatness that we miss the subtle world changing moments in the small things.

I went to my old blog posts to see if there wasn’t something that touched on the groaning of my heart. The very first thing that popped up was utterly perfect. I love when God does things like that. Here is what I wrote almost 2 years ago…

Dear Gracious Lord,

I’m on the edges of the adventure. I see you beckoning me into the wilderness where it is wild & untamed. The ground is desolate & jagged. The enemy encamps all around us & you are asking me to go into the middle of the fight.

I envision myself in my little row boat. I just recently watched “The Perfect Storm” again & I envision the waves mounting and cresting stories above my little vessel. I drink salt as my boat is thrown topsy-turvy against the thrashing sea. I envision you walking in this hurricane as if it is a leisure stroll in Central Park on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. I see your outstretched hand & I hear your still small voice saying, “Come!” Did I ask if I could get out of the boat? I don’t recall. I think I must have in the deepest recesses of my tiny heart…I think it must have been screaming for it.

You see my soul had resigned itself that this was it. This was the lot given to me. This was the journey I had. There was drowning & coughing & sputtering. There was blackness & fear & uncertainty. I tried to survive on my own. I tried to survive in the tumultuous waters.

I step out on wobbly knees, like a colt birthed from its Mother. I see your radiant face & am overwhelmed at the majesty of you. I’m overwhelmed that in the entire universe you looked down and saw little me & said, “I want to love her. I want to show her My Kingdom. I want to take her on a journey. I have a compartment of my heart that belongs solely for her.”

Then, as is always the case, a huge gigantic wave hits me broadside, knocking me down with the weight of impact. I’m reminded of the sorrow of this life. I’m reminded of the trials – I am consumed! I begin to sink. I sort of like the feeling of giving up. It’s so much easier this way. It makes since to just let go, to lie down and die.

I think, "No, I should fight. It’s important." I don’t really remember why, only that it is. I ask for your help & you ask me why I doubted? Seriously God, I’m sinking in a raging tumbling sea and you’re asking me why I doubt? Yet, there is your hand…there it is, reaching for me. It pulls me out of the waves & we walk back to the boat together.

Once I’m in the boat you calm the sea. Why do you wait to calm the sea until we are in the boat? Is it because you’re leading now? The waves have calmed & the moon is peeping through the clouds. As we travel there is a firmament of wonder before us. The moon doubles on the glassy sea, creating haunting beautiful light. The stars wink at one another, admiring their beauty in the waters reflection. I’m overwhelmed.

I lay my head back on your lap. You have taken the ores and are humming. I feel rested & re-assured that you are in control once again. I’m unwinding, untangling, letting you take over the pieces of my life I’ve tried to patch with duct tape. It will hurt when you take the tape off, but you will bind the wounds unto healing.

So that adventure thing? Yeah, like cliff diving. Although I think I’ve seen my fill of the water right now. Where do I find it? Where are we going? Will the enemy be strong? Will I live through the battle? Is it in the ordinary? Is it in the extraordinary?

Set me free with your ball and chain. I so want to be bound to you! I so want to trust you in the small and big things. You have proven and proven and proven yourself to me again and again and again. But, like the Israelites, I’m always seeking another miracle to prove to me why I shouldn’t be grumbling…slavery is always such an appetizing alternative to feeling alive.

Let me rest in you even if you do nothing for me ever again.

This is not my story, but yours. Write it upon my heart. Reflect it within my life. Let me lay my own life down. Let me seek you until it hurts. Let me give until I have nothing. I’m so selfish & utterly self-righteous…let me count those things that are important & leave the things that are not.

Give me LIFE!

Sincerely Your Humble Servant,
Melissa