And the Chandelier Came Tumbling Down

Well, the Phantom of the Opera experience didn't go as well as I had anticipated. There was a problem with one of the amps and the static was so strong that I just lost the magic. It was quite tragic for me because I had two dear friends on the left of me and on the right of me I had my manager and her friend. I wanted to share this special experience with them, but I just couldn't sit through the static. It was heartbreaking in a way. I finally told Jamie the real reason why I left and she understood. I just wanted something perfect and it fell crashing to my feet. I still plan to see it again with my sister with the two free passes I was given for the inconvenience...

I truly think God was teaching me once again the truth that I can't have Him and something else. I was banking a lot on this evening and when it came crashing down, I tried to pick it up and fix the pieces, but all I was left with were bloody hands. It really catapulted me into a sort of sorrowful depression.

My pastor spoke on Spiritual Happiness this past Sunday and I realized I did not have it, at all. There are glimmers, but they are so dim and the oxygen that once fed them is truly dying out. I went to the altar and prayed for many things. I have been filling my life with this and that trying to make it feel complete and it has for a while, but the balloon is quickly fading. I mean even good things like church, bloggin, reading, writing and even my quiet times are routine. I truly believe in the time honored saying, "you have to fake it til you make it!" But, I'm tired of living that way.

Just like in the beautiful opening scene of the Phantom of the Opera my chandelier can be restored to its former glory. I trust and believe that he is doing a good work in me. Please pray for me that God will let me feel His hand at the small of my back. I am not defeated, and any other time in my life I would be. I am strong, and my faith in God is growing. I love Him so. I asked Him this morning if we could runaway together. I was just feeling the weight of the world upon my shoulders. Please pray for me.

I love you all who read the fabric between the cover. God's blessings upon you.


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