Feeling Numb

I have had a rough couple of weeks and have not been inspired to write. I can't really explain my feeling, but numb I guess is the best way to explain it. To be honest I have not been setting my foundation in Christ through a daily quiet time. Satan, therefore has snuck in, and I experienced my first defeated day in a long time, which was yestereday. I just got lost in a sweep of emotion and despair, over the silliest things. However, the Great Redeemer that He is, Christ saught tenderly to bring me into communion with Him, and I had a marvelous quiet time, and He reminded me that I am never truly defeated, that I have the victory through Him.

I have been thinking about a lot of things, and nothing at all. I get lost in the things that I don't do well, that I should do but don't, and the never ending list of demands on my heart. I feel like my brain is compacted with swarming bees, and I can't hear the silence from the noise of the buzzing. That is the wonderful joy of having ADD, and having Satan use that against me. I ask that you all pray for me, I want to experience this journey!

Well, let me tell you a little bit about what has been going on. We got confirmation today and as of now I do not have the CRM position at work. This is not a depressing devestating thing for me, but I sure could use the money, but I remind myself that God will provide. I also had another big revelation, that I do have control over certain aspects of my life. I have been like, why can't I stop eating, why can't I lose weight, why can't I stop spending money I don't have? God, was like, yea why can't you? I have given you a capable brain and good common sense use it and quit feeling sorry for yourself. I am so utterly sick of myself, and personally I think God is of my behavior.

Anyway, I dwell on me to much sometimes. It looks like it is going to be a really great, but busy weekend. My sister Meredith comes in from Nashville tonight to celebrate her birthday. We will be having festivities throughout Friday. I have to work on Saturday, we are having a bookfair with the Lexington Philharmonic, and Saturday night I have to make my world famous Strawberry Cupcakes, ok not world famous, but maybe in my mind, for the Senior Valentine's Banquet at church. Busy, busy, busy.

My mother, and my sister Michelle went to see Finding Neverland the other day. This is the second time I've seen it and it is truly magical. I have said that about a few movies now haven't I. But, in all honesty it is the first movie that really and truly brings out the child in you. I actually felt like a kid again. It is brilliant! I have been thinking about doing something with my love of movies. Maybe having a Movie Group, getting people together to watch different movies that inspire them, and talking about them aftewards. I don't know. Everything seems better in my head.

One more thing before I go, I want to tell you about my storytime this past Tuesday. It was so much fun. We went camping. I brought in sleeping bags, a lantern, and we had a fake fire. We read the book Just Me and My Dad by Mercer Mayer, ate cookies, and made binoculars. The kids just loved it, and I did to. One of the most favorite things that I did growing up was camp. True delight to relive that.

Well, as usual when I don't write for a while this blog was all over the place. Please excuse me. I have in mind what I want to write about in the future. I want to share with you my journey through the book Journey of Desire, and eventually my walking back and revisiting The Sacred Romance as a Quiet Time. Both are by John Eldridge and phenomenal.

I love you all who grace my blog. You all are miracles orchestrated by the hand of God and I praise Him because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Until next time...


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