This is Your Life...Are You Who You Want to Be!

I heard this Switchfoot song this morning and it sent a shiver, shock, overhall in my system. I am attempting to not blog while at work, but I felt to compelled, I needed to release this off my chest!

This is my life, the only one I get, and am I who I want to be...absolutely and infatically NO! I'm so tired of the confines of my life in numerous ways. I find work less than fufilling, I'm bored with it, my mind has moved on. I have no passion for it. I'm tired of my weight, but food is such an ultimate comfort to me, and thus in a somewhat depressive state I EAT! and EAT! and EAT! I'm not able to fit into my Easter Dress I bought from Chadwicks because of it. I completely and totally live in a dream world, of when my life will be complete, satisfying, desirable, incredible, moving, passionate, thrilling, worth the journey, worth my effort...I live in this Utopian World while I muddle through the life I am in right now, doing very little to fix my situation, and staying just far enough from God so that I'm not burned by the Refiner's fire, while still close enough to feel I'm a "good" Christian!

As I was listening to this song I got such a stirring in my soul. If I had the money and the lack of responsibility I would have run away for a few days with God. I was literally aching in my heart for something more, at the same time I was stirred with desire, and inspired. My desires for Christ and the journey have so been thrown on the things of the world that are meant to satisfy, but rarely ever do. I've lost my passion for Christ. The journey is drudgery. As I was thinking while listening to Switchfoot's beautiful rich soft voice spill forth the words I wondered if I did get everything I thought I wanted, if I was in my daydream right at this moment would I be daydreaming about the next moment and missing out on what miracles awaited me this very moment. That scares me. I want to have peace, I want to have stillness. Oh Jesus my soul screams for you.

Now, that I have been interuppted a million times I will try to finish my ramble. Speaking of Switchfoot, they just came on again with "Welcome to the Planet", I need to get this CD, I've been avoiding it, but I think it is has become a necessity.

Anyway, this Sunday is Easter, and I have really wanted to be reflective on Christ, surrendering this week to Him. Well, satan has known full well and defeated me in both small and big ways. Sigh! Grumble! Moan!

Now, after I have said all of this utterly depressing stuff, I do want to say that despite my emotions I LOVE LIFE! It is beautiful amazing, and I am so blessed to be on this journey. Why am I here? I'm not sure! But, I am so thankful for the process. I'm thankful for God creating me, and Christ saving me. I'm grateful that I have a wonderful roof over my head, friends and family that love me, and a journey that is unlike any other. I will have LIFE, and I will have it ABUNDANTLY!!!!

In closing I ask you...This is you life, are you who you want to be? is the quote I have been meaning to share to tigh in the previous blog..."Every Christian makes an impression by his conduct, and witnesses either for one side or the other. His looks, dress, whole demeanor, make a constant impression on one side or the other. He cannot help testifying for or against religion. He is either gathering with Christ, or scattering abroad. At every step you tread on chords that will vibrate to all eternity. Everytime you move you touch keys whose sound will re-echo all over the hills and dales of heaven, and through all the dark caverns and vaults of hell. Every movement of you lives, you are exerting a tremendous influence that will tell on the immortal interests of the souls all around you." - a little food for thought!

Love you all...Bye!


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