My Cup Overflows!

Alright guys! I spent nearly 45 minutes typing up this entry last night and poof in a second it was gone forever in the large waste basket in cyberspace. I am trying despretely to look at it as a rough draft, but I've never been good at handling rough drafts, and the essence of this original post is gone forever, so after my somewhat pathetic intro to this post I will once again re-attempt to recreate the magic, but I doubt I will succeed!

All of you who have ever graced my blog or had the honor(or maybe not) of me leaving a comment on your blog know that I love the statement "My Cup Overflows!" I use it at least a million times in my blog and at least a million and one in my comments, whether that be on my blog or yours. Yes it is derived from annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows - psalm 23: 5b. But when I think of this statement I reference it back to the movie "Hope Floats". The Grandmother would always say it when someone shared their thoughts of love for her or when something really meant something to her. So, thus it has kind of has been ingrained in my mind and become part of my vocabulary, more so my writing than verbal vocab, but anyway.

This week has been really profound for me, a lot of knowledge and truth has been spoken from God this week, some joyful some painful, but I actually didn't have to learn it the hard way as I normally do, as I mentioned before God has given me this wonderful grace period in my life, a chance to heal from the many battles me and God have had in the past, and right now I assume He feels like I handle some of these truths and that I'm at a stage in my pruning where at this point it isn't going to take more pruning to get it through my thick skull. I fully realize there will be more painful pruning in the future, and I say, with a little quiver in my voice, "Bring it On!" Back to the context of this week. It has truly been the most overwhelming truthful week, I believe, of my whole 11 years as a Christian. My wonderful sister in Christ Mary K said to me in a somewhat emotional conversation, "Melissa, you have all this wonerful head knowledge of loving the Savior in a passionate intimate way, and now He is asking you will you put it to practice...will you?" Of course this is paraphrasing, but the thought of "Will I?" is, well something I cannot ignore. (Now, you need to know that I'm re-typing this while church is going on...I-VEE!, but I am human, and I promise this will never happen again!)

I think it important to start out by telling you what I did this week. Now, this could be far more important to me than it will be to you, but I press on anyway...

Monday: Hung out with my "Sassy" Mom, we went shopping and grabbed a bite to eat. (Becky if you ever wondered where I got my sassyness look no further.)

Tuesday: I went out with my manager and assistant manager (it hasn't soaked in that I'm a manager too) to eat at Jalepenos. It was so good, and Jennifer, my manager, brought her beautiful baby boy George. I love this kid, he is beautiful, precious, amazing, and funny...I love to play with him. For a lack of a better phrase my cup really does overflow because of it. (I ask that all of you submit this family in prayer, mom pop and child, they are not Christians and God has laid them on my heart!)

Wednesday: I went to my churches prayer service...everyone was in such a joyful mood...laughing praying and celebrating, so many wonderful praises...I LOVE MY CHURCH!

Thursday: I had to go to a work related function, that I was less than thrilled about, at Trinity Baptist Church. It was an event to help children that were either from broken or foster homes, and in the end it was a total blessing on my soul. These children were running around carefree, and the sun was dancing on the edges of their hair and illumining them in pure radiance, it was almost if, for that moment, God peeled back the curtain of Heaven, and you could see angels dancing. I met this lovely lady at the church and we were really able to fellowship, and girls you will be able to appreciate this, I also got to fellowship with some "lovely" firemen who brought a firetruck for the children to see...oh what beautiful creations of the Father(I really digress on that one!) Later this evening I had a very emotional moving conversation with my dear sister Mary K. She is such light for me. She knows the inner workings of me sometimes better than I do, and God really uses her to speak great truth over me. (I am thankful beyond words for you my darlin precious)

Friday: One of my best friends Jamie and her wonderful Mother and Father came over for dinner. It was a wonderful celebration of sharing and food...Oh Yeah! (It is always a blessing when I get to spend time with her since she has been married!)

Saturday: I got the great priviledge to hang out with Amy aka Kat! We went to a CBC picnic, walked around Lake Reba, hung out at my work house Barnes and Noble, went to a Southland Christian Church service...the minister spoke about homosexuality...I have never heard a more profound, humbling, truthful, honest, heartbreaking, full of truth sermon on the could really feel the ache in this young minister's heart. This sermon was neither watered down or sugar coated nor was it abbrasive or judgemental. Amy and I had a "Jesus in the Backseat" moment on the way back to get my car. It was a blessing to meet this gifted, passionate, true light of God...she soaks it all up and it just radiated through and through. I was also able to see a real human quality in her that indeared her to me even more. (You are a true force and an ultimate JESUS FREAK love, and I've got your two and a half minutes!)

There are a couple more important things that happened this week that I unfortunately can't pin point the day or time when they happened. One of the most treasured souls in my life, Teresa, wrote me a really heart and soul moving letter asking me to step into a warriorship with her in prayer and fellowship, followed by two more amazing emails from her...I was astounded when I asked God for a servants heart what He would do with that. (You draw me unto the heart of God dear one). Then I was able to speak with one of the most amazing women I had the pleasure of meeting in high school...miss "trina bell" Katrina...she is a strong, sassy, confident, beautiful, overwhelming blessing in my life. A devoted wife and mother of two beautiful girls. She is the very essence of what a mother should be, and I am so inspiried by the way she lives with such grace and gentleness. She just shared with me that her whole family went to church for the first time and her desire is for them to draw close to the heart of God. (Oh dear one I will cherish the words you spoke to me until the day I die, thank you for saying I am an inspiration to you, but oh dear one you have no idea what an inspiration you truly are to me, I LOVE YOU!)

So, right now I'm struggling a little with writing this blog, first I'm afraid that it will not post, and what that will do to my sanity, but I have also been struggling with the balance between blogging and the real world. It would be very easy for me to sit in the confines of my room spilling forth every fiber of my soul waiting, somewhat impatiently, for the comments to flow in on how amazing, wonderful, enlighting, they are and have everything be full of light and daisies. I feel that I rely to heavily, and this is with anything, on what others think...I was sharing with Kat that this derives some of the biggest sins in my life! I love you all so dearly, but I have become to dependent on what you say to me to reflect my self-worth...I always wanted a blog where people stopped by and where I could share in their blogs...well it has happened, and of course any worldly thing can not bring the satisfaction in the end that you hope...don't get me wrong this blogging thing is great, but for me, it might be to great...why am I sharing this with you, I don't know...just pray. (This is one of the big reasons that I don't Instant Message because then I would never leave this illuminated screen, and...well I digress) Put it this way, I am a big face to face interaction type person, so I feel God is leading me more in that direction...this is something I have learned this week, so while I will continue to visit all your wonderful blogs and continue to post I need to step back, and as I shared with Jessica, create a balance!

Alrighty then, I sort of went off on a tangent that was not intended at all. I have been all over the place in this blog...bare with me and I just might make a point, if not I chalk it up to my brain mis-firing.

What I've learned this week: I cannot ask God to bless what I'm doing, I must do what God is blessing!, I can't base my life on others perceptions of me, prostituting myself for any amount of acceptance will only leave me hollow and disastisfied!, looking at my brother in Christ as a brother rather than a prospect-hit me over with a sledge hammer!, I AM A SWAN!, I am not of the world, the only thing that should consume me is Christ, pick up that thing called the Bible and read it, pray fervantly-something my pastor said that struck a cord is when you say you are going to pray for someone you better do it- I haven't in the past, but I want everyone to know that I have and will pray for every prayer request that has been submitted to me, as God as my witness, I am trying to be a fervant prayer warrior...and so much more. As I said before so much of this doesn't have words. I shared in a comment to Kat's blog that I am such a good listener that I've lost the sound of my own narrative, well I'm trying to get that back, and that means some changes....I do have all the head knowledge, now I have to have the heart knowledge.

I know I am making light of a lot of this, but this week really has been quite profound...and...


*If you got through this God's blessings upon you!


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