Sick, Blessed, and De-Stressed!

Hey everyone! I tried to post a few evenings ago, but Blogger was not being my friend. Needless to say I AM SICK! There are two things that I rarely do, (1) throw-up, (2) run a fever, well I ran a fever of a 101 last night, with chills, and all those thrills, I forgot how much worse a fever can make you feel, it finally broke around 4:30am this morning. It really stinks because my sister and Mother and I were planning a day out just us girls. Oh, well, that is life sometimes. I sometimes feel like the good Lord up above makes us sick in certain times in our life so that we will actually take the time to rest. I have also been dealing with some of my former pain issues. Please pray that OUR GREAT HEALER will see fit to heal me once and for all.

I will tell you something funny, in all my fever, not able to breathe, sweaty, chilly, crappy evening something very strange happened. I first noticed the dark blue stuff on my night shirt, it had bled all over, and frankly at 2:30 in the morning when you have gotten no sleep and all you want to do is die, these things can be discarded as nothing interesting. So, nevertheless I took a bath, changed shirts, and went downstairs to see if I could get some sleep. Well, this morning I was changing my pillow cases to cut down on the germs, and this blue stuff, looked like an ink pen bled all over, was on both my pillow cases and pillows. I called my Mom in my room and was like, Mother what is going on. It was the weirdest strangest thing. I felt like there had to be an explination...

...when I'm sick there is nothing I like better than a hot bath, I took two last night, and I lean my hair back in the water, and try to basically get as much of my body submerged...well I had my hair pulled back in a lose ponytail with a dark blue scrunchy. When I took it out of my hair today it was soaking wet, so I rubbed it through my fingers, and guess what rubbed off, blue dye. Now, I know what you are thinking, that was a thrilling story Melissa, well I'm delirous okay and I am easily amused!

I am so blessed. Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow. My cup overflows! I am so thankful for everything, all the good and bad that has come into my life...it has made me who I am! I don't think I can put into words what I'm feeling, which for most of you know that is suprising. I begin my first day of my fulltime job on Monday. I am hoping that I will feel up to it, because I have a morning meeting beginning at 7am and then I will be at work until around 9pm due to a book signing. This will NOT be typical of my schedule, but being sick I'm concerned I will burn out a lot quicker. I used to have many 14 to 16 hour days while in college and working, but I haven't done it in a while. Please pray for me that the Lord will given me the strength and the good graces to endure it.

I am focusing on being de-stressed. I do feel a bit overwhelmed with all the things that have been put on my plate with the new job. New responsibilities, more demands. But, I know that God gave me this job for a reason, and I truly feel that because someday, God willing, I will be running my own production company, driving myself, all the tools that I learn in this job will aid me in the future. All is in His hands. I want to give all to Him. I want to be so close to Him that I can feel His hand on the small of my back, and His breath on the back of my neck. He is my everything, why do I do the things I don't want to do and hurt Him so. I love you Jesus, thank you thank you thank you.

Well, in general not a whole lot going on in my life other than the new job. I have a real desire to begin to re-evaluate my long term goals, and begin to write again, I am actually doing really well with working on my weight. MY WEIGHT IS A BATTLE I WILL WIN! I feel like God has called me, as strange as it seems, to be a certain weight so that I can do the best for Him, and right now I'm not there. It is hard, and it will always be a thorn in my side because I am an emotional eater and on most given days I am lazy. However, earlier this week the days were so beautiful I could not help but get out my headphones, lace up my sneakers, and take in some of that sweet sunshine. For the first time in my life I am looking at me in a different light. For so many years I looked at myself as a mistake, something un-beautiful, un-desirable, and this was fed from the lies that spilled forth from others lips, and my inability to seek self-worth from within. However, God has given me a clear representation of who He see me to be. I am beautiful, I am desirable, and I am something of GREAT WORTH! This is very very new for me, and it is such a freeing experience. My sister and I were watching Oprah and they were discussing image and young girls. Some of these beautiful capable young girls looked at themselves as less than dirt. I was like, "Oh Lord, I was there, I lived that misery! Thank you Jesus for instilling self-worth in me!" I have also been going back through my Journey of Desire Journal, and it is scary what I wrote. I mean I was in a dark place. It is probably going to be even more scary to re-read the Sacred Romance Journal. In the same essence it is very freeing! I know how far I've come. To God be all the glory.

Two little selfish things I've done since I got the job is, (1) sign up for NetFlixs, and (2) sponsor St. Jude. These were two things I wanted to do for a long time, and once I get acclimated I want to start going back to the Chiropractor. I think that will help me physically a lot to.

Well, I've rambled on far longer than I should and frankly I'm feeling a little weak. I love you all so much. You are all masterpieces that were orchestrated by the hand of God. Thank you for loving me so much, and in turn showing Christ's love for me. May God be with you all during the next week. I'm not sure when I will blog again, so until then...

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