I'm Thirsty...Yet, Desire to Thirst More!

"Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. O God, the triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from the misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name. Amen." - AW Tozer, The Pursuit of God

What would I like to experience with God?

What a simple yet deeply complex question! What would I like to experience with God! Dare I say it! Do I even know what it is? In this balancing act I so aptly perfected I feel that I've lost something, a place where my heart fully needs and desires and thirsts for God my Saviour above anything else! It seems that where, I feel, He leaves off I have found things of the world that slate my hunger and thirst for Him, so I earnestly and foolishly believe that I don't need Him as much. I've learned that I am my own person, and I've always had this tenacious appetite to do things my way. I sometimes quake under authority, and run holding my immovable will like a banner over my head.

There is also the great fear factor. If I give all of these hopes, fears, dreams, and desires to Christ can I still be me. And can I have them back. Sometimes, I'm afraid of what he will do to them...like He isn't smart enough or He won't handle them just right. Can you imagine that...the God of the universe, and yet I question Him! Why does He let me do that...I'm like Haddassah in "An Echo in the Darkness" by Francine Rivers...

"And you allow it, Father. You absolutely refuse to violate our free will. O Lord, blessed Jesus, sometimes I wish you would reach down and take hold of us and shake us so hard there would be no one able to deny you - that every man, woman, and child would bow down before you...strengthen me, Lord. Please strengthen me."

Sometimes I need a good shaking, but I'm getting a little off course here. I'm reminded of what Becky said in one of her posts and many of the Scriptures that she gave...

"An attitude problem is arrogance!" (How easily full of myself I can become!)

and

"Living life for and about ourselves is an illness!"

John 5:6 - When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

I have to ask myself again and again do I want to get well. Then I go back to what kind of relationship do I want with Christ...

Isaiah 50:1 - The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the Word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.

Psalm 62:8 - Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge...Selah!

John 3:14-15 - Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life.

In the end all I can say is that I want to thirst more...I want to desire Him so much that there is a burning in my veins, and an ache deep in my soul. I don't want to do anything that brings glory to myself...only His will be done...it isn't about me!

I'm always fed when I read the book of Isaiah so I leave you with Isaiah 51...to read when you have time! Take Care and have a blessed week!