Less Talk...More Walk!

So, I've been listening to the new Todd Agnew CD: Reflection of Something non stop in my car. I just can't seem to change it out right now! I'm singing, I'm praising, I'm shouting, I'm screaming...the onlookers in other cars must think that I'm a complete and total freak!!! Oh Well! I don't really care! Anyway, I visited his site the other day and from there went to his Xanga Site and read the post that he wrote...something caught my eye...We need to walk more and talk less!

This really hit me in many ways! It made me think of the opening of What if I Stumble by DC Talk:

The greatest single cause for atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable!

How often do I use this double edged sword to cut and to bleed, while at the same time sing sweet praises to my Lord. I can easily bury myself through what I say, weasle my way out of an immediate consequence by talking my way out of it, or level someone with one carefully aimed word. How often do I destroy someone without them even realizing it through the gossip I let fly out into the air, or how many times have I set back tight lipped when someone was sharing something that was completely counter to what I believed, afraid that they might look down on what I had to say. I often feel as if my tongue has offended me so often it truly should be cut from my mouth.

There is another side to this sword that in many aspects is even more deadly...the way I use it to toot my own horn, especially in my Christian faith. Oh I can talk big, but I often wonder if I could walk what I talk. Could I live in the loftyness of my words, or would I want to. It has sustained me throughout the years. Everyone, througout highschool and even college saw me as the good "Christian" girl. I was passionate with the words that came out of my mouth...full of power, fire, and bremstone...however, all the while, secretely clawing away in my own cave of darness and emptiness, running so far from God, figthing principalities of darness, and so far from what I spoke that it wasn't funny. I wonder, just wonder, if I had shut-up just for a moment. Got still and quite, and really allowed myself to be transparent. Showing all the scars and war wounds, and that I was truly struggling how God might have used me. How He would have spoken through me and my actions. How I would have truly been used as a vessel.

At 25 (tomorrow) this is something that I still struggle with...I do struggle with what Jesus I serve, what my definition of Jesus is...if He is the Lover of my Soul on this Sacred Romance, then what does that make me? A Harlot? As many other things I've prostituted myself over to besides Him it must be! When all I want to do is find favor in others eyes, but struggle with bending to His will...I have shared with many that I feel that I'm in a juggling act. I have the world in one hand and God in the other. I want both! Let's not kid anyone here, so I try to precariously balance them in an odd and unsatisfying balancing act, and eventually it will be I that falls under the weight of it all. When what I really need to do is drop the ball of the world and fall on my knees in surrender to Him.

Often, I will wake up in the mornings forgetting all the promises that He has given and barely give Him a second glance throughout my day...why is it so easy to forget? Why can't I just remember and truly believe that He is the only things that will satisfy and not the things that the world dangles before me on a string?

He is my Portion! He is sufficient! His will is always true!

Gayla wrote in her blog not to terribly long ago:

I can attain all the information and knowledge there is in the Bible but if I'm not affected by it and I'm not changed from it, then it's all for naught. If I'm not practicing Kingdom Life, then how can I expect to experience Kingdom Living? I won't!

She goes onto say:

Another lesson I learned - actually, it's not about 'how much' commitment to Jesus I can muster up (whatever quality that is) it's about surrender. It's really, really, really, not about me at all.

It's really not about me...it's for His Kingdom. His Glory! His Righteousness! His Majesty will manifest itself one way or another and He will use whatever means possible. I can choose to bend to His will, and own my new name, or He will bend and break me. Not because He is a horribly mean God, but because He loves me and He is after my Heart! He isn't after my works or my words, but He wants to spend time with me, and He knows that all the other loves I chase will only break my heart. He is a jealous God! And His passion is for me. It should have been me on that cross, the sacrifice was to great, blood is on my hands, but He looked into my green eyes and the love I found in Him was overwhelming...He is Love perfected!

This goes back to What will people think...well, in the end it really is between Him and I, and as long as I can focus on that I don't have to feel every waking moment with the sound of my own voice, I can sit back relax in His arms knowing that with His arm around my shoulder, walking as close as I can possibly get to Him, that He will shine through. It will be no act on my part...then and only then can His Kingdom be revealed truly in my life, and then and only then will I be fulfilled!

Micah 6:8 - He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with Your God. (What strikes me most about this scripture is not the acting justly or to love mercy, all things I need to be better at, but to walk humbly, it's not about me remember, for if I walk in humility then acting justly and loving mercy will follow...if I see myself as less He can be more!)

Psalm 1:1-2 - Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. (But his delight....his delight is in the law of the Lord, it is like manna from the sky, he obsorbes it into his very being, and meditates on it day and night. I live in a country where Bibles are so easily available to me, the word is easily accessible, and my copy sits with a layer of dust on the shelf! In reading Francine Rivers the Mark of the Lion series, which is set in Rome, Ephesus, and Jerusalem shortly after Jesus' death and resurrection, I'm reminded what it is like to hold His word in my heart. Hadassah (the main character) has no book, but only what she has heard through her Father on what the Saviour has said....she holds these words close to her heart, or I'm reminded of a story of a tribe who had only one Bible, and so they divided the Bible up into pieces and passed it around from family to family, meditating on it day and night, desperate for it, savoring every moment of the Living Word! There just is no excuse...I want to be a wellspring, and therefore I must drink from the Wellspring!)

Isaiah 2:5 - Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the Lord.

2 John 6: And this is love that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. (If I do not love then I am nothing)

May each of you walk more and talk less, dive into the Word and be blessed by His breath on the back of your kneck, may you feel His presence so deeply it causes you to tremble, may He warm you through...for He is love and loves you endlessly...may He be your portion until your cup overflows and calms the fear inside. I love you all thanks for reading my rant! God is so good!

Comments

Gayla said…
Wait a tick - your birthday was yesterday (the 27th)?? Well, happy belated birthday!! Hope it was a fabulous one!

This is a very profound post, Melissa. Wow! I'm always amazed at your thoughts. I can only say I wish I had been (at 25) where you are now! You have an amazing maturity in the Lord.


"I want both! Let's not kid anyone here, so I try to precariously balance them in an odd and unsatisfying balancing act, and eventually it will be I that falls under the weight of it all. When what I really need to do is drop the ball of the world and fall on my knees in surrender to Him."

Boy, if this isn't the truth. And you're so right - it boils down to a very "unsatisfying balancing act." We all do it; we're mixed bags. We're saved, thus new creations in Christ; but we continue to posess a sin nature. That's where ever-incresing surrender must come in.

Thanks for the good word, Melissa.
Mustang Girl said…
a quick note, oh my goodness... I thought your birthday was next month... :(

Happy belated birthday! .:hugs:.

God Bless you darlin, I hope you had a wonderful day!! :)
Mustang Girl said…
Wow, Melissa. What can I say, I felt like I was reading my own heart. I started tearing up when you wrote: "He is a jealous God! And His passion is for me. It should have been me on that cross, the sacrifice was to great, blood is on my hands, but He looked into my green eyes and the love I found in Him was overwhelming...He is Love perfected!". Melissa this was such a beautiful post, I could feel the love of Christ while reading this. Very moving...I just don't know what to say... except Thank You! Thank you for the reassurance that I needed to hear right now... .:hugs:.
Melissa said…
Gayla and Mustang Girl...thank you both dear hearts for the warm birthday wishes...it has been simply fabulous and I'm all about extending it as long as possible...

Also thank you for the kind and uplifiting words about my post. I needed to hear these words as much as you did, and it humbles me so much when God not only teaches me, but is teaching others in the process. It is also such and encouragement that I'm not in this boat alone. I was driving to work this morning, listening to Todd, who else, and just praising God...why do I forget what He does for me? Oh He is so good, and I see Him through every encounter through you two beautiful ladies! Thank you!

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