Liberty University
So, this is a story a while back I said I would share with you, it is a story about running ahead of God in pursuit of your own desires. It is a story of how God breaks you, even literally to have you slow down and submit to His will. It is a great part of the fabric of my testimony and I can't believe I left it out.
I first discovered Liberty University watching a video of one of my favorite bands DC Talk. They had all attended Liberty and it lit the first ember in my heart to attend there. I was a Freshman in highschool...as the years grew I began to learn more about Liberty and when I finally decided what God was calling me to do with a film career I began to see what Liberty had to offer in the way of a Film Major. They truly have one of the best Film Major's within a Christian College and I was even more confident that this is where Jesus wanted me to go. I had made up my mind that this was the place for me. I immediately contacted the school and got hooked up with an advisor...we became fast friends through our talks and the internet, and I was comfortable in the little space I created for myself. Great delussions of grandeur!!!
I planned a college for a weekend trip and was set to go. My advisor (who I can't even remember her name now, it makes me realize how off course I truly was) had promised to meet me when I arrived. Well, she didn't but reassured me that she would be at one of the conferences scheduled. I was so excited. My parents dropped me off at a gathering place and left me to fend for myself. Now, I'm not someone that needs her hand held, but this school was 9 hours from where I lived and I had no clue what the layout was or how it worked. However, I was left with little direction and forced to wonder campus to find direction for myself. Now, those at this "Christian" school wouldn't have had to do much to impress me...I was already sold, the only thing they had to do was hold me there. However, my roomates were more intent in hanging out with their boyfriends (a common theme throughout this school...either find a boyfriend or talk about the one you have all the time)...and I once again was left with little direction. I was feeling dejected, and by the second day of being misdirected to a wrong class, and then totally abandoned in the dorm room by myself I called my parents completely and totally down. By the way the advisor...who was supposedly my friend left campus for the weekend without even meeting me!
My Mother had had an intution that something was wrong and was very upset. When they got my call, her fears were confirmed and my Dad had demanded that they were coming to get me the next day, a day before I was to go home. God knew that in the wee hours of that morning the events in my life would take a great turn. Around 2 in the morning I fell from the top bunk in the dorm room and landed on my knee forcing my leg bone into my hip bone and cracking it, then I hit my head. Once I got over the initial shock I thought I was fine. I went to the bathroom and as I was coming back I literally could not walk. I crawled back to the room. I was terrified and told my roomate. She went and got the RA who asked if I thought anything was broken. At 2 am in the morning, and having only broken my big toe previously, I had no idea the severity of what was going on with my body, so I said I didn't know. They moved the mattress on the floor and I literally got on the mattress and couldn't move...my body would be rittled with pain.
After a somewhat sleepless evening I woke up to find my roomate getting ready to go meet her boyfriend. She didn't offer me to get any food, or to get someone to help me in anyway...she even said that she had to go to see her BOYFRIEND! So, I was left on the floor, starving and weary...I managed, spending about 45 minutes, moving from the floor to the bed next to me! When my Mother and sister finally found me I was in a fit. I told them the whole story and big tears began to trickle down my face. They proceeded to support me as I hobbled down the hall. The girls of the hall staring with strange disbelief. The RA had said that if she was in the dorm before I left she would come by and check on me. She never came to check on me, and I saw her talking to a friend in another dorm room.
I was dejected and in pain and just confused. My Father was threatening to sue the school and all the while I still wasn't sure if I was ready to give up on it. Five hours in the county hospital still didn't calm my uncertainty...even after they said my hip was broken!! It was like an abusive realtionship...they had beaten me, but I was still willing to take them back. I realized that all the years of my neatly planned life, the life I knew I would have had been turned upside down. I wasn't ready to admit my failure or the grave mistake I made, I wasn't ready to admit that I had run ahead of God...my heart ached at the failure of my decisions, and my heart was left bleeding!!!
This was the beginning of a great depression that culminated through almost 3 months of being stoved up in bed and the house. I was about to go crazy, put on nearly 30 pounds and felt worthless! I realized how lucky I was...that a millimeter lower I would have had surgery, a millimeter higher I would have been crippled for life. However, I struggled getting myself out of the fog I had placed myself in.
So, needless to say God literally broke me to bring me back to Him...and while it sent me into years of anguish and suffering...I came out of it again more refined and stronger, and even more determined not to ever repeat those series of events again.
Why I shared this I don't know...maybe you are facing something that you are unsure is God's will...test it, back it up with Scripture, ask for prayer, and get on your knees before the Lord yourself. He will give you the desires of your heart and He will show His destiny for your life in His time not your own.
In the end I learned it is about real surrender...
"Trust in the Lord and do good; and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. ..If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand...For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever...Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off you will see it... The Salvation of the righteous come from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him."
Psalm 37: 3-7; 23-24; 28; 34; 39-40
I first discovered Liberty University watching a video of one of my favorite bands DC Talk. They had all attended Liberty and it lit the first ember in my heart to attend there. I was a Freshman in highschool...as the years grew I began to learn more about Liberty and when I finally decided what God was calling me to do with a film career I began to see what Liberty had to offer in the way of a Film Major. They truly have one of the best Film Major's within a Christian College and I was even more confident that this is where Jesus wanted me to go. I had made up my mind that this was the place for me. I immediately contacted the school and got hooked up with an advisor...we became fast friends through our talks and the internet, and I was comfortable in the little space I created for myself. Great delussions of grandeur!!!
I planned a college for a weekend trip and was set to go. My advisor (who I can't even remember her name now, it makes me realize how off course I truly was) had promised to meet me when I arrived. Well, she didn't but reassured me that she would be at one of the conferences scheduled. I was so excited. My parents dropped me off at a gathering place and left me to fend for myself. Now, I'm not someone that needs her hand held, but this school was 9 hours from where I lived and I had no clue what the layout was or how it worked. However, I was left with little direction and forced to wonder campus to find direction for myself. Now, those at this "Christian" school wouldn't have had to do much to impress me...I was already sold, the only thing they had to do was hold me there. However, my roomates were more intent in hanging out with their boyfriends (a common theme throughout this school...either find a boyfriend or talk about the one you have all the time)...and I once again was left with little direction. I was feeling dejected, and by the second day of being misdirected to a wrong class, and then totally abandoned in the dorm room by myself I called my parents completely and totally down. By the way the advisor...who was supposedly my friend left campus for the weekend without even meeting me!
My Mother had had an intution that something was wrong and was very upset. When they got my call, her fears were confirmed and my Dad had demanded that they were coming to get me the next day, a day before I was to go home. God knew that in the wee hours of that morning the events in my life would take a great turn. Around 2 in the morning I fell from the top bunk in the dorm room and landed on my knee forcing my leg bone into my hip bone and cracking it, then I hit my head. Once I got over the initial shock I thought I was fine. I went to the bathroom and as I was coming back I literally could not walk. I crawled back to the room. I was terrified and told my roomate. She went and got the RA who asked if I thought anything was broken. At 2 am in the morning, and having only broken my big toe previously, I had no idea the severity of what was going on with my body, so I said I didn't know. They moved the mattress on the floor and I literally got on the mattress and couldn't move...my body would be rittled with pain.
After a somewhat sleepless evening I woke up to find my roomate getting ready to go meet her boyfriend. She didn't offer me to get any food, or to get someone to help me in anyway...she even said that she had to go to see her BOYFRIEND! So, I was left on the floor, starving and weary...I managed, spending about 45 minutes, moving from the floor to the bed next to me! When my Mother and sister finally found me I was in a fit. I told them the whole story and big tears began to trickle down my face. They proceeded to support me as I hobbled down the hall. The girls of the hall staring with strange disbelief. The RA had said that if she was in the dorm before I left she would come by and check on me. She never came to check on me, and I saw her talking to a friend in another dorm room.
I was dejected and in pain and just confused. My Father was threatening to sue the school and all the while I still wasn't sure if I was ready to give up on it. Five hours in the county hospital still didn't calm my uncertainty...even after they said my hip was broken!! It was like an abusive realtionship...they had beaten me, but I was still willing to take them back. I realized that all the years of my neatly planned life, the life I knew I would have had been turned upside down. I wasn't ready to admit my failure or the grave mistake I made, I wasn't ready to admit that I had run ahead of God...my heart ached at the failure of my decisions, and my heart was left bleeding!!!
This was the beginning of a great depression that culminated through almost 3 months of being stoved up in bed and the house. I was about to go crazy, put on nearly 30 pounds and felt worthless! I realized how lucky I was...that a millimeter lower I would have had surgery, a millimeter higher I would have been crippled for life. However, I struggled getting myself out of the fog I had placed myself in.
So, needless to say God literally broke me to bring me back to Him...and while it sent me into years of anguish and suffering...I came out of it again more refined and stronger, and even more determined not to ever repeat those series of events again.
Why I shared this I don't know...maybe you are facing something that you are unsure is God's will...test it, back it up with Scripture, ask for prayer, and get on your knees before the Lord yourself. He will give you the desires of your heart and He will show His destiny for your life in His time not your own.
In the end I learned it is about real surrender...
"Trust in the Lord and do good; and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. ..If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand...For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever...Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off you will see it... The Salvation of the righteous come from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him."
Psalm 37: 3-7; 23-24; 28; 34; 39-40
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(Maybe I've shared this already, if so, just blame it on half-heimer's.) A long time ago I learned to hold what I desired in the palm of my open hand...totally spread flat. That way, IF God so chose to take it away from me, for whatever reason, it didn't hurt quite so bad as if He would have to unpry my fingers from holding on too tightly! :)
Pilot Mom and Gayla I will hold onto the vital truth that you have given...God bless you both!