With Great Respect, Frustration, and Sorrow!

You know what?!!!!! I'm the most selfish person on the planet!!! I'm so consumed with me!!! How utterly ridiculous!....

As many of you already know one of my co-workers was found dead in her apartment this evening. She had committed suicide. It was very calculated. She had taken vacation time, put her things in order, wrote a note saying who got what, and then took an overdose. We became very concerned when she did not come into work this morning. She was only 20 years old. She felt like her life wasn't worth living...this beautifully captivating, sassy, gorgeous young woman felt such despair she didn't think she could go on living...and what did I do, NOTHING!!! I was so consumed, was God whispering to me and I just didn't hear it! She was, by my full knowledge, not a Christian, therefore her blood is on my hands. I had the opportunity and I never once opened my mouth to say Christ loves you so much! She thought she would find peace and she walked into despair!!! (Oh Father God...I just....I don't know....) I can't even imagine this!

Her beautiful and amazingly wonderful ex-boyfriend called work today concerned about her, they talk almost everyday...earlier this evening two other co-workers went to her apartment broke a window and found her. I just ask that you pray for them finding her that way and that you pray for her ex-boyfriend...he is one of the purest souls I know, and I know that he will somehow blame himself!!!

Let God work out of the ashes...let Him do a good work over this...I know He is weeping now! I KNOW IT! Oh Father...why???

There is more that I could say, but I just ask each of you to hit your knees...her family were struggling with one another...she didn't have the most loving family (which caused some of her problems)...I pray they will be saved through this situation!

Oh my troubles are nothing compared to this!

Oh Lord help me know what to do...

I just ask that you treat this with great reverance and respect that it deserves, and please forgive me if I'm not in touch this week!

God bless you all, and I want you all to earnestly know that I love you all from the bottom of my heart, and I trust you all completely with this information!!!

Comments

~Kat said…
On my knees for you, Melissa... for your store. God is there, Beautiful.
Carol said…
There are no words I can offer to comfort you right now, but I can't pass your post without praying for you. Crawl up into the Father's lap and let Him wrap His arms and grace around you.

Perhaps you did not do what you think you should have to reach this girl with the Truth. Know that God knew her heart and knew the number of her days all along. Blame yourself if you feel you must, but know that He does not blame you, Melissa. He can certainly use this terrible tragedy to His glory. Ask Him how you can help. Look up. There are others around you who need Him, too.

Father, bring Your perfect comfort to Melissa, to her co-worker's and to this girl's family as only You can do. Bring good out of the despair that You and You alone may be praised for Your sovereignty. Use this to draw others to Yourself.
~Kat said…
Amen, Carol - I agree with you. Melissa - you are a beautiful, wonderful and glorious reflection of God's love and care even when you're not preaching and proseletyzing - I can't imagine how you must feel, but bear in mind that Satan will use guilt and worthlessness to make you feel DISGUSTING!

Father God - we cry out to You to show Melissa Your love and to bury Your treasures so deep in her heart, Lord, that she will not be disuaded by Satan's attempt to make her feel disgusting. Lord, help her to see herself as the reflection of Your love that she is in so many ways, Father. Lord - please shower Your love and wisdom into this situation, Father and show Melissa and this girl's family how to rely on You for strength and not try to do it themselves, Lord. Thank You for all You do, God, and for calling us into You so that someday, we will stand before You and You can tell us what earthly tragedy means, Lord. You have the answers, and we are patiently seeking the day when we can sit before Your throne to ask You this and much more. Until then, Lord, we love and praise Your name ceaselessly and trust You to know better what to do and how to do it than do we! God, we need You! Show us how to seek Your face in our grief! All glory to You, Father, in Your Son's name, Amen.
Gayla said…
I'm so very, very sorry. This is just tragic. It is always heart-wrenching when someone chooses a very permanent solution to temporary problems. I cannot imagine the torment a person must be enduring that they no longer wish to live.

Melissa, you must know that her blood is NOT on your hands. Period. That is a guilt you are not meant to carry. I pray God gives you the grace to walk thru this season.

If we are to believe God's word is true, then you must stand on the truth that He causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. All things.

May God's abundant love and grace cover all of you who knew her.
Pilot Mom said…
Melissa, I'm so very saddened by the news in your post. I have a dear friend who's daughter shot herself about 3 years ago...still in her teens. It is so difficult for the ones who remain.

May His arms encircle you, giving you strength and comfort as you listen to how He wants you to reach out to her family. {{{hugs}}}
Dave said…
Father God, I pray that Melissa will know your love and compassion. I pray that she will give this all over to you so that she will be strong for the family and friends of her co-worker. Bless her Lord; in Jesus' name, Amen.
Bar Bar A said…
Dear Sweet Melissa,
I just now found this! I read what you wrote today about Kat (she is a gem, a diamond that shines for the Lord) and I didn't even know the context of that post till I read this one.

My love pours out to you. It truly does. I've posted about my friend's suicide so I dare to go out on a limb and say I can feel some of what you are feeling.

I'm crying at my desk for you and all of those touched by this, but we know one thing for sure - God is good.
Bar Bar A said…
Dear Sweet Melissa,
I just now found this! I read what you wrote today about Kat (she is a gem, a diamond that shines for the Lord) and I didn't even know the context of that post till I read this one.

My love pours out to you. It truly does. I've posted about my friend's suicide so I dare to go out on a limb and say I can feel some of what you are feeling.

I'm crying at my desk for you and all of those touched by this, but we know one thing for sure - God is good.

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