Are You My Brother?

So, a few nights ago I was cruising through the channels on my television winding down from a long day of work and I flipped through to TBN and went on passed. My brain registered that there was an extremely attractive young man on the channel so, my curiosity peeked, I turned back and noticed that he was indeed an extremely attractive young man and I thought I would stop by and see what he had to say. Needless to say I was blown away. It was Jason Illian, a very handsome 30 years young man…Jason was a football player at Texas Christian University and graduated at the top of his class, in 2005 he was on the Bachelorette and the reason for him being on TBN, well…he was talking about his virginity. Now, here it a 6’4”, black hair, ….well let’s just say tall dark and handsome man, who by all rights could probably get a girl to do whatever he wished, and here he is being a man and saying I’m a virgin, there is nothing wrong with that, and it is time that we start raising men to be Godly examples. I was verbally praising Jesus through this. You know we have always heard that boys will be boys…it’s just their nature…etc… But, you know what, what a complete and total copout. Why don’t we start raising boys to be men? We are all sexual creatures, come on God created us that way. It is a powerful thing to step outside that mold and say I choose to live by example. Live a sacred life unto Christ. Jason had to have this example somewhere along the way.

I have to be honest…I had given up. I was confident that at 25 years old I wouldn’t find a virgin out there to marry. I had even resolved myself that I would prefer not to have one for various reasons. I had fallen into the trap that boys will be boys. Don’t get me wrong being a virgin until marriage doesn’t make you more religious, more righteous, better in anyway…God uses all people, and I truly believe that everything that happens good and bad in your life is a “reflection of providence”. There are no mistakes that can separate us from the love of God or nothing that God can’t redeem and use for His will. In the end we learn from the shortcomings of our past and hopefully grow into stronger, more confident, capable men and women. But, I remember when I was younger how I had hoped and prayed for a man that would wait for me. As I got older and my heart got more bruised I began to believe that was a pipe dream, unrealistic. It just wasn’t in the plan. God willing I would wait for my husband, but if he were to slip and fall along the way it wasn’t a big deal, in fact it would make a love more exciting. Hearing Jason speak really re-ignited some of these old desires. I always thought that if I put “virginity” on my list of things I desired for a husband I would be excluding certain potential relationships…by not putting it on there I would just leave it open for who God would have for me. In the end through much prayer and submission I added it to my list…it is number 10 of my 54 items…yes I have 54 items on my list. It stems from a lot of time on my hands, not dating, and really thinking of what I desire. If any of the ladies that read this blog would like me to send them a copy of this list please email me…I would love to have a group of women praying over this for me. No offense guys, but I need my sisters on this one.

Jason went onto say the nice things that we desire in a mate such as wealth, stature, looks, etc…are all well and good, but we need to get back to the basics of the character of a human being…

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.
– Galatians 5: 22-23

Now, this post is entitled “Are you my brother?” So, let me share with you the second half of this coin. I know that I am just a red blooded American girl when I see an extremely attractive young man and more than likely develop a crush. However, not really dating I don’t have a foundation on which I might be able to obtain? Now, that sounds really strange and selfish but stay with me I hope to make my point. I’m neither the most unattractive person in the world nor the most attractive, average is how I would describe myself. A little heavier than I would like, but you know I’m working on that. Gosh, I really don’t know where I’m going with this right now, but stay with me.

I get crushes at a drop of the hat, and just like always, I developed a little crush on Mr. Illian. How could I not? I found myself extremely frustrated, and ironically enough spent my time in the church nursery this morning praying over this situation…I want Him to be blessed…I want the best for a man such as that. Just like with Todd Agnew or any other “Godly Man” I have a crush on. But, why do I develop a crush? I know I know that you are going to say, “It’s just natural!” But I go back to the first point…aren’t we called to something higher? I have wanted to talk about the topic of brother and sisterhood for a long time now? Can a Christian really be my brother when my first instinct is…”he’s single, he’s cute, and He is living a Godly life…I wonder???” Maybe I’m the only single woman out there that does that…wonders if this is the one? To be honest I don’t know how to be a sister to my brothers Christ! In this world where purity is somewhat of an illusion…sex is driven into our brains unnumbered times a day, can I really look at an attractive, confident, Godly man as just my brother? I want too! I really want to be a true sister. I’m called to…

11So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.
- 1 Corinthians 8:11-13

Now, I’m not saying just by thinking someone is cute and developing a crush that I’m sinning against my brother, but if I’m looking at my brother romantically am I then being a sister in Christ?, won’t I look and act differently in front of him? This is a journey; this is a process that I’m still working through with God. I think fellowship with fellow brothers is a wonderful thing. You can find common ground with your relationship with Christ and grow a healthy intelligence for the opposite sex. The important thing to remember is that a brother is not someone that you should go to with your deep intimate problems. God gave us strong sisters in Christ for that. The same with brothers in Christ. Brothers need brothers, as sisters need sisters! God created this brotherhood and sisterhood for an amazing reason. I also think honesty between a brother and sister is vital. Set out the boundaries of your relationship from the start. It is far too easy for the boundaries to get blurred down the road and in the end have someone get hurt. If you aren’t interested in a person romantically be honest about that, don’t lead a person on, be willing to say, “I’m blessed that you’re my brother/sister in Christ, and I’m delighted about being your friend, but there is no romantic interest!” We need to be willing in our Christian fellowship to be bold enough to set strong boundaries, boundaries that won’t easily break…therefore we can truly be brothers and sisters in Christ, and you know what we would learn to trust the Ultimate Matchmaker with the man or woman who was intended for us.

In all of this I was drawn to Todd Agnew’s post on Beauty…take time to read it. I will come back to it for another post, but I feel it has some relevance. I’m adding Jason’s site to my blog. Also, Letters from a Loving Father Pt. 3 is on the Writer’s Corner.

I hope one day I will be able answer, “Are you my brother?”…with a resounding “YES!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
- Proverbs 31:30


~Kat said…

First, and to totally, momentarily, negate your entire point, yes, Jason is hotness. Wow.. :)


You are NOT the only girl out there that does this stuff. Need I remind you of a certain woman who made a trip to Texas under the guise of "looking at seminary" in order to meet a certain single man who lives down there (who cooks for the seminary - we all on the same page now?)?

Anyway, I'm right there, too. It is so easy to see unbelieving guys as my friends - there's no chance for them to date me anyway. It's also easy for me to see overweight men, unnattractive me... all men aside from idealic Jason types - as just friends or brothers in Christ.

So, in short, it's a problem all Sons and Daughters of God have when surveying their surroundings. You're right, we're wired sexually, but yes, we are called to a higher path. I've really pushed that in my life.

We need to get together soon. I need some mega prayer on a situation that sort of touches on this but not really. :)

Finally, I'd love to see your list. Email it to me!
Gigi said…
If it's OK with you...I don't need your list but I am praying for a strong Godly man for you.....I really am!!
Pilot Mom said…
As my 89 yr old mother says, "He's easy on the eyes!" ;) LOL!

This is a tough subject...because it IS best if you begin as friends, in any relationship.

Our son, is almost 24 and he is bound and determined to give himself to his wife. So you keep praying for there is someone out there for YOU, Melissa! :)
Anonymous said…
This is particularly fascinating to me because i write Christian romances, and you were so open about things most singles won't be! Valuable research material there. As for your crushes, girl, well you are human. so glad i found you! (via carol)

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