Affection for Connection

In My Head Lyrics by Anna Nalick

Under the weight of your wings
You are a god and whatever I want you to be
And I wonder if truly you are
Nearly as beautiful as I believe

In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night

Under the weight of your wings
Should ever we meet on your side of your stereo
I will pretend I know not of your thoughts
And even the way that they mirror my own
I'll take you away in the way that you take me and go where I go

In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night

Fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet
Love on repeat
I'm echoing all your philosophies
And as I fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet
Love on repeat
I'm echoing all your philosophies

And as I... Oh... I don't
Wanna be fool-heartedBaby,
I'm out
Numbered in my head
I don't
I don't wanna be fool-heartedBaby,
I'm out
Numbered in my head
My head...

In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another night Yeah, your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night
Lonely night...
Under the weight of your wings
I make believe you are all that I'll ever need
All that I need...

These lyrics pierce through my mind. The first time I heard this song I was sort of taken aback. I thought I was the only one who created a familiarity with the stranger that, although I may admire for some reason or another, I never knew.

I have this extreme affection for connection. I’m not sure the reasoning behind it. I know I’m not the only one who does it, but as long as I can remember…as long as I’ve been able to make coherent stories in my head I have daydreamed about the intimacy of friendship and connection with those that I’ve never even met, or met in brief moments after a concert or a convention. It isn’t always the famous that drive me to this connection…it could be someone at work, at church, or out and about that I meet and seek favor with. It all goes back to the wanting people to like me and sharing my narrative with others. I want a connection sometimes when there is no connection and, well, you can imagine it sort of gets me all bent out of my natural way of things. In my thoughts I jotted down when fleshing out this post I put…”My passionate rationale of familiar connection with those I admire!” First, let me just say I didn’t even know I had a quote like that in me…who would of “thunk it!”

Sometimes, I can forsake the friendships and the people I have right directly in front of me…those that are reaching out and loving me and giving me help, hope, and prayer for the made-up world in my head. My made up world is always pressing on the realities of this one… Like SheDaisy’s song “Out of My Mind”...

The truth is so unkind
But I'm good when I'm out of sight
Best when I'm out of my mind
And don't know what you'll find
But I'm good when I'm out of sight
Best when I'm outta my mind


The song also says I decorate my lies with butterflies…flight of fancy. Having ADD doesn’t help anything. It is one of the biggest blessings, and I think I’ve talked about this before, that I know for my creativity, but sometimes I just wish it would get quiet in there. My brain is always turning, always running a hundred miles an hour, it can do circles around me…I always say I want to live in the moment, but usually I’m living the moment before it happens, and after it happens I’m living the next moment to come.

I think this post is starting to sound like the ciaos in my little brain.

(I’m…SMART, FUNNY, PRETTY, AND NICE! Yes I am!)

The thing that got me to thinking about this started with me listening to Anderson Cooper’s “Dispatches from the Edge”…I started to think, wow, how great would it be to know this man…and then I “thunk” up a little scenario in my head. I’ve been friends with Audio A, DCT, Melissa Gilbert, Christian Kane and many others for awhile now…in my mind. I’m always the best, never making a mistake, always the most amazing person to hang out with in my dreams…well…I mean I pride myself on being a decent human being and sharing love, but it’s the whole adage of wanting people to find favor with me.

Well, I tell you what…I prayed to God last Sunday and asked Him to help me take that away. I really don’t want to give one big hoot about what people think of me. No offense to any of you. I think you are simply spectacular and I’m grateful that you think I am too, but the only one that I should be seeking favor with is Jesus Christ. I know that He will bring the absolute right and perfect people in my life at the right time and the right place. He already has…its amazing how He works. I have truly some of the best brothers and sisters in Christ in the whole widest world. I can’t imagine not knowing the people I know. I can’t be everything to everybody…and I can’t expect those that I put on a pedestal to totter up their forever. So, until then…”Should ever we meet on your side of your stereo, I will pretend I know not of your thoughts, and even the way that they mirror my own.I'll take you away in the way that you take me and go where I go!”

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
-Philippians 4: 6-8


13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.
-1 Peter 1: 13-14

Check out my little tribut to Audio Adrenaline on my Writer's Corner!



Comments

Becca said…
*jaw drops*

I just totally connected to that.

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