Standing On My Own Little Pebble

My preacher made a very important point one Wednesday night at church. He said that sometimes the path that is laid out for us is only illumined one pebble at a time, and all we can do sometimes is stand on our little pebble until God lights the next one. Over the last six months I have jumped head long onto unlighted pebbles, had to backtrack to pebbles I had hoped I wouldn’t have to stand on again, and am working on getting all the ugly weeds that sprout up between the cracks. I’ve begged for greatness from God and lived mediocrity. I’ve claimed triumphantly that this is the will God has for me, and had to eat crow when that wasn’t the case. I’ve looked for the fantastic miracle, when I had a million little miracles buzzing all around me. I sought for the life I wanted in my dreams, when the life God wants for me is right smack dab in front of me. It still is a long journey ahead, but I’m thankful for the steps that I have taken and those that await me. For now I’m content standing on my little pebble until God lights the next one and tells me to step on it.

Do not expect God to use you as a lighthouse somewhere else if God cannot use you as a candle right where you are.

I’ve got to figure out how to live in this space of mine right now and burn brightly and authentically for the Lord before I can be expected to be moved out into a new area of real service for Him. I have to know that the now is what is important, not the three years from now. If I am truly planting good seed now I will reap what I sew in the future. I know that God doesn’t intend for me to be in Kentucky forever, but there is no time table set on when He is going to move me out of this space. I have told Him to move or move me and I’m determined to keep going until He says, “NO!”

I’m so grateful for past jobs and adventures, but they are in the past and I can’t go back there. I know that I wasn’t in the will of God while I was at my previous job and it has taken being without a job to realize that. It has taken me being without a job and without medical insurance to realize that I have to depend on God for everything and that there is so much that I don’t really need. It has taken this time to sort of show me how selfish my priorities are and how much junk needs to be cleaned out of my life. How cruel I have been to others and how self-serving I have been. There is so much change that needs to take place and it is always two steps forward one giant step back.

Where am I going? Well, I am gainfully employed again. It is so strange. I tried to go back to retail because that is what I am good at and God slammed that door in my face in a very real way (a story for another day). Once I finally said okay God, I don’t want to go back to retail anymore if this isn’t going to happen and sort of gave myself over to His will that is when things started to happen. I always knew that working with children was a passion of mine. I just never thought I was going to be able to do it. Even looking around in Winchester, all doors seemed to be closed with the promise of something next year. I was just holding onto God and His promise to provide. Within two days after all retail opportunities were slammed shut and I felt I was stuck God provided two jobs with children, which previously were not open to me. One, I got a job at my former churches daycare two days a week with the twelve most beautiful two year olds in the world. They bring so much joy to my heart I can’t even begin to tell you how much. Then, I am going to be subbing at a church school MWF with the possibility of a fulltime job there next year. GOD PROVIDES and how good is He indeed.

It is just simply amazing! It is something that I so often look over in the moment, but reflecting on it is a great miracle straight from the Creator’s hands. I still believe that there is something else that I haven’t grasped onto that He wants me to do. I plan to re-evaluate my journey each month and see where He guides. He will provide the answers I need by May I’m confident of that. I can’t wait to see what the next few months hold.

I have been writing more than I ever have before, even though I haven’t been writing as faithfully as I should. God has given me clear instructions to write and hour a day, and I’m ashamed to say it is a hit or miss thing at times, but He is continually faithful, and I forgot how much fun it can be. Ideas for books are just popping into my head quicker than I can get them down on paper. I just pray I will be diligent and giving them the proper time and respect that is due.

These months off have also shown me how much I desire a family of my own. The nesting syndrome has set in. However, I know how precious my singleness is to God and I don’t want to forsake my first love. I just want to leave all of this in His hands and I am confident and trusting that He will provide in His good timing.

I ask faithful prayers that I will stay strong and true and authentic with my relationship with God, and that I will pour out His compassion on all that I meet. I’m fighting to get some health insurance and I ask prayer for that as well. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you this Thanksgiving weekend. You are beyond blessings to my soul. (Thank you Holly for the beautiful card, it made my day.) Love to all, will write more as soon as I can.

7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
8 Better a little with righteousness

than much gain with injustice.
9 In his heart a man plans his course,

but the LORD determines his steps.
- Proverbs 16:7-9

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
- Isaiah 58:11

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.
- Lamentations 3:22-26

12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.
-1 Corinthians 2:12


Comments

Mustang Girl said…
"Do not expect God to use you as a lighthouse somewhere else if God cannot use you as a candle right where you are." How amazing this thought is! I am gonna write this in my Bible!

Congrats on the new job! May the Lord Bless your time there and the people you come into contact, that they may know the Lord more!

.:hugs:.
bjk said…
;)

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