I'm Just Using Up Dirt!

You know I’m just using up dirt, sopping the ground dry with my desires for thirst with little to no desire to produce fruit. The truth of the matter is that I desire to be more well rounded, beautiful, thought highly of, that I’m placed in the best space of the garden, rather than if I’m producing fruit. My focus is continually on what God will do “to” me, not what He will do “through” me. I also have this great fear that the great Lord, the great Lover of my soul will leave me high and dry. Not only that, if I do indeed follow Him with reckless abandon that it will be a journey that I will not like. We often don’t know the truth when it hits us in the face because it isn’t the truth we are looking for. Let me share with you a little snippet of my “Sacred Romance” journal:

Question: How does it feel that God is inviting you to “faint” into His arms? And, what are the ways you are trying to redeem yourself instead?

Answer: First, I have to be completely honest, as much as going through the Sacred Romance has changed my perception of my Savior He still, somehow in my own mind, doesn’t measure up to my desire for an earthly lover. Do you have any idea how hard that is to admit? It really is the first time I’m even admitting it to myself. I know there is no better LOVE no better husband than Him, but I am afraid of what HE will ask of me. I’m afraid that He will take me to the desert and cut me off from other lovers and even life itself. I want Him to hurry up and give me what I want and when I want it…I can’t imagine His love for me and that leads me to other heart sins, which in turn leads me to believing I have a better way. Do I want to faint in His arms? You betcha! Do I want it to be just us two? Oh boy do I! But, this world creeps on in and my mind swirls and I lose ground quickly. I think I would be afraid to be called a fool for fainting! I might hit my head, there might be some drool, - I MIGHT BE FOUND UNFAITHFUL!

Again, the focus reverts to little old me. God proposed something to me in my restless night of sleep last night. A sort of crisis of faith you might call it. It’s freaked me out, but it has also got me questioning how I am going to choose to live this next year. So, in the wake of the New Year I want to write a little something that my preacher preached a while back before I head for the church for a yearly New Year’s meeting where we pray out the old year and pray in the new…

1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."
6Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. 7So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'
8" 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. 9If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.' "
Luke 13:1-9

For three years this tree produced no fruit. It was big, luscious, rich, but NOT PRODUCING! Jesus didn’t come to find a tree that was well rounded, pretty, big, and shade bearing…HE CAME TO FIND FRUIT! God comes seeking fruit and He will not be satisfied with anything but fruit! So, God has planted me in this space and time, and you know what? HE EXPECTS FRUIT FROM ME!

Furthermore, God has the right to do what He wants. God is NOT obligated to you or me to give us another day if we are NOT producing fruit! The ONLY thing that truly matters is my relationship with Jesus Christ! We really don’t, or at least I don’t, think much about the Sovereign Lord of the Universe taking His hand from us…”Ok, Melissa see how well you can handle it! I’m tired of you using up MY dirt, so I will cut you down!” He doesn’t have to give us grace and mercy! You know what though…HE DOES!!!

He does because of the prayers of the saints. Intercessory prayer is here because the prayers of others are the ones that keep us moving forward. They have asked God not to take us, for Him to let them help us. They want to dig around our roots a little, trim some of us back, put a little food in our souls, and HELP US produce fruit!

As a believer I think I expect that God will shelter me, that He should shelter me. I demand shelter gosh darn it. Trouble doesn’t always come as a result of sin! Simply because we are Believers doesn’t mean we will avoid trouble.

In the end God is sovereign…HE IS!

Preacher man gave me four things that will be a requirement for my walk in 2007:
1. Reconciliation – if I haven’t mended the broken relationship between God and me through salvation I have no walk!
2. Submission – (boy this one is a hard one) Sins power is weakened when we give God control!
3. Communication with God – through the Word, Prayer, and the Church!
4. Progress with God – some of us, like me, have been just holding our course, not doing to much either way. My preacher equates not progressing with God like trying to scale a greased flag pole. When you stop what happens? You slide back down. There has to be progress, there is NO standing still with God!

I’ve decided that this year I don’t want to be just using up dirt; I want to faint and faint hard into the arms of Jesus. I’ve been fighting with Him a good deal today, but I’ve told Him that this is going to be the Praise Year, and so I better hold on.

I have to say thank you to each every one of you. You, my blog family, have blessed me beyond measure, and I wish you the most abundant of New Years!



Gigi said…
Sometimes we're too close to see or perhaps aren't meant to see it....You are of infinite worth....You are wonderfully made....I am praying it to be a 2007 full of HIM for YOU...love b
fofinha said…
Baby Girl,
You are a treasure of infinite wort as BJK stated. I am thrilled with what your pastor has given you for your walk. Without fail if you follow these 4 things, you will grow in the grace of God and you WILL bear fruit. The ground you possess will be blessed and God will be honored. You bear more fruit than you think by your very being. You are a blessing in the lives of many and probably many more than you even know. Keep after the Lord and He will keep after you. Live in obedience and He will divinely bless you.

Love and miss you more than can be expressed.

Becca said…
I love you, miss you, one day we shall go get some ice cream somewhere :)


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