I Am...Worship!

So, I have made a resolution that 2007 will be a year of true praise and worship, after all a cup full of praise does no justice to an ocean of mercy. When I first resolved that this year would be a year of worship I put in parentheses “WATCH OUT!” It seems I was right! God has asked a lot of me. He has provided in more ways that I can count, but He has asked a lot. Things that I thought were cleaned out and healed up in my life came back with crushing blows…knock out punches indeed. I’m slowly beginning to get my sea legs back, but I’m reeling from all of it. My prayer is that God and I will get to the root of these issues together, pull out the arrow once and for all, and clean and sow up the wound. I want to grow in new ways and be challenged this year to live in reckless abandon in a true and authentic manner before the Lord. I am not the same girl I was six months ago, and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to truly say that before. I hear the voice of the Lord more clearly and that scares me to death. I’m in a stage of asking Him question upon question, and hoping I won’t screw up to badly. I’ve lost friendships and I’ve felt loneliness. God has asked me if I don’t get anything I planned would I still serve Him…a HUGE part of me wants to say NO!...but I cannot, the answer must be YES! That scares me too…for if I do say YES, He just might indeed take it all away. He already has taken so much, but what He has added to my life is an abundance that I can never repay. I no longer look at success as a monetary gain, but as the soul purpose of following where He leads. I desperately want a family…a husband and children; it has become a HUGE part of me these last several months as I have sort of nested with my limited work schedule. However, I am trying, very unsuccessfully I might add, to live like I am going to be single for the rest of my life…that does not mean that I won’t pray for my future husband or even hope for it, but it means that if I DON’T get this desire that I will keep serving. I also know the struggles and heartaches that marriage goes through these days. My pastor talks openly about blessings becoming burdens…all I ask is that if God is to give me the true blessing of marriage, that He will give me the strength to shoulder the burden. (I think with this being the month for love and all I will discuss marriage at a later time!) I thought since this was the year for WORSHIP, that I should actually WORSHIP THE LORD!

The “Sacred Romance” by John Eldredge talks about us being “born out of the laughter of the Trinity.” We often think, or at least I did, that God created us because He was lonely…which really wasn’t the case. Jesus didn’t just start being that night in Bethlehem; the Holy Spirit didn’t start being after Jesus went to be with the Father. They always were. They are perfect communion, perfect relationship. We were born from that so it is apparent that we are relational people by nature. Our desire to connect and be connected is indeed the essence of us as a divine Creation. When we get to Heaven we won’t just worship…we will be worship. We will embody all that is, all that was, and all that is to come. We will be in the presence of our living God…the one who created us and has more love for us than we can ever ask or imagine (that I will talk about more as well). He will sing over us and we will delight solely in Him. Everything we do, are, feel, taste, think will be worship. Oh, there will be plenty of singing, dancing, celebrating, eating, loving, and caring to go around. There will be moonlight walks with the Savior, and stories told by John, Peter, Paul, Mary, and yes, even you. We can curl up in the Father’s lap and let Him share His love for us. There will be caves to explore, mountains to climb, rivers of cool fresh water to drink, flowers to smell, animals to play with, people to rejoice with. We seek to obtain so much down here on Earth, but Heaven is the culmination of all our hopes, dreams, and desires. It is complete, perfect, and good. It is something not to fear or wish would come a million years from now, it is something that every Christian should look at as tangible, real, and alive. Once you get the proper perspective on Heaven all other areas of your life will have their proper perspective. What a joy, a treasure, a gift?

Blessed Lord,

My Savior, Redeemer, and King…the beginning and the end…how can I praise you? What is it to really worship you? I am so grateful that you created me…Melissa, your beloved. Why did you see fit to do such a wondrous thing? I praise you from on high that you, the creator of this grand universe chose to come as a baby, and be broken and bruised for my sake. That you would pour out your blood and love over me in abundance just so you could spend time with me is beyond anything I can repay. The way that you lavish me with your nature, oh how I revel in the beauty of who you are. I am in awe, and I hope that I don’t forget to tremble beneath your majesty. You have forgiven me over and over and over again…and you never cease to love me even when I run far from your tender embrace. I thank you for still loving a stubborn heart like mine. I thank you for loving me even when I have prostituted myself to so many other lovers which I thought would bring me such fulfillment.

I not only thank you for saving my life, but for changing it completely. I don’t look at you the way I did when we first met. You are my Lover and I your beloved. I used to look at it as an arranged marriage. Thank you Jesus for constantly wooing me, and that you don’t stop with conversion, but continue working in a life way after you have saved it.

Thank you Lord for sorrow and suffering, for loss, and troubles; for in those moments is when I realize the measure of your grace and mercy and how much I truly need you. I praise you for cutting me off from other lovers as painful as it might be and wooing me into the desert so you can speak kindly to me. It is truly a hard and narrow road, but I am so grateful that you are there every step of the way.

Your patience with me is far, and deep, and as wide as the ocean. I am amazed at the times you have brought me to my knees only for me to get up running blindly and stupidly to the same things. Yet, you gently pull my tether and bring me back around again, and if I should get stuck in a tree you come and get me out.

I praise you for brokenness…how it hurts, but it is a necessary thing for growth. I am so grateful that you are more concerned about my character than my comfort. I love that you are a wild and unfettered God whose passion is for me. I love that you never stop; you are always just and honest. I love your sovereignty in my life, and know how valuable it is. I praise you for the flame, and how it stirs, and hurts, and burns…sometimes I’m afraid to get close to it, but I can’t stay away from its warmth and light for long.
Lord, you are my God and earnestly I will seek you. All the things you have brought me through in my life. The years of teasing and mistreatment, the shaping and molding of my character, the times I’ve said and done the wrong things and made a fool out of you and me, every step, every pebble, every wadding, every dunking, every grain of sand has had purpose and meaning. I am grateful for all of it. It has made me who I am and brought me into your throne room.

I am without words, there are not words to describe…brave, honest, true, warrior, hero, lover, caring, compassionate, passionate, loyal, fierce, wild, savior, friend, comforter, healer, pasture maker, elbow healer, deliverer, lion of Judah, King of kings, Maker of Heaven and Earth,…glory be your NAME! If ever I should shut my mouth in praise may the rocks scream out? You are magical, mystical, marvelous, and wondrous. You are…I AM!

I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I want to know what it means to worship, to feel, to be completely in your presence. You are my God and earnestly I will seek you.

Yours Completely,
Melissa