Crap...Snot...

No, not actual crap or snot…I’m not that gross. These are the adjectives that I use when I’m frustrated about having to do something that I know I have to do and just don’t want to do it. Back in February I signed back up to Netflix. When I worked at B&N I had had this WONDERFUL service for over a year and when I began making less and less money I soon had to drop it always intending to go back. Now, you know how much I love movies and always will I guess. However, I saw myself getting back into my old patterns of life. My old thought processes, my old escapes, my old desires, and I was rebelling against God. Oh, I was going through the motions…tithing, church, service, work. All in all on the outside I looked like a good little church going Christian. On the inside however I was crumbling. When I signed up for Netflix I had this strong feeling that God didn’t want me too, but I brushed it off and thrilled myself at the thought of this new venture. Ever since I have not had a peace about it, all the while pushing it to the back of my mind, wanting to serve and not.

A few weeks ago my Pastor gave an amazing sermon and I prayed, “Lord, I remember how painful the pruning process was, but I also remember what an amazing journey it was, let’s wrestle.” Now, my Pastor made the statement that we often talk ourselves through or into something and feel ok with it, the only problem is that God never agreed to it to begin with. Guess what the first thing that popped up after I prayed that prayer…yep, you got it…Netflix. Now, you might be saying how silly, what could Netflix hurt. I would say that I would have to agree with you and I still find it a lovely institution, but I also had to ask myself, if it was such a little thing why did I have the hardest time giving it up. I just brushed it off, prayed it through, and hoped that God would give up the notion. It has been an oppressive dark cloud over me ever since. My, such a little thing can become such a big pain.

This morning my Pastor preached this amazing sermon out of Isaiah 1. It was painful and brilliant. He discussed how we are doing our best and God is not impressed. It is about the Sovereignty and glory of God. We go through the motions with no worship, praise, or thought of God in our hearts, our half eaten, used up offerings we bare before His throne week after week, and we bleed and plead for Him to make everything right in our lives. I had felt that I had made church about the people and began to realize that I needed to come to encounter God, so I began to pray that I would just come to encounter Him that I would come for no one else.

God is keeping me on my toes. Tonight after choir practice my Pastor asked if I had a song in the car to sing, I said, “No, but I can go get one!” I have a lot of respect for this man and would do pretty much anything to find favor with him. So, I rushed home got a song and rushed back to church. I was thinking to myself, what I do for this man, and God said, “Yes Melissa, how quickly you jumped when Bro. Jesse asked you to sing, but you haven’t moved for me!” My friend Jamie sang a beautiful song and I was broken in two. Oh the great love and power of God. Needless to say I have once again cancelled my Netflix. The great thing is at this moment in time I do not have to give up movies. Rated “R” movies pretty much “Yes!” My habitual love and obsession with them…”Yes!”, but I believe, film will still have a part in my life. I just saw “Nym’s Island” this weekend and thought thank you God for Walden Media!

Yeah Netflix is a small thing, but in order to be clean we must wash the stain of sin from our bodies, and it can be a very bloody job. Netflix allowed me to be swallowed up in non-reality. It consumed much of my time. God is jealous, and He is about relationship not religion. He has reassured me in such an awesome way of His mercy and His grace and I know that through each step of obedience I am drawing closer to Him. I am ready to shake the stench of sin from my body and fall at His feet and let Him move. So long self…it is about surrender. It is about purity of heart and spirit.

With all this said, yes I put a countdown to Prince Caspian…woo hoo!

If there is something you are holding onto no matter how big or small…give it to Him, let it go…He is far more worth it.

Take the time to read Isaiah 1!

I love you all!

Comments

Dawn said…
what a great post girl. think...no i know i'm off to read Isaiah 1. You've got me thinking! Much love to you girl!
Becky; said…
love to wrestle...even though I lose every time!!....thanks

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