A Beautiful Work...

I have to say that it has been far too long since I have done writing of any kind. I’m uncertain if it has been out of fear of letting my mind go freely or just the weariness that has been shut up in my bones. Writing is like oxygen for me; if I’m deprived of it too long I grow unhealthy and a part of me dies. That is very much what I’ve been feeling like lately, that parts of me are dying. The good parts, the bad parts, hopefully more bad than good. I’m not saying that God has not been faithful, I’m just saying I haven’t always been faithful to Him. He is teaching me so many rich and wonderful things, but I’ve also found myself sticking my fingers in my ears and singing to keep from hearing. I think I envisioned my life far different at the age of 28 than it is now.

I feel stifled, not able to move or breathe. I’m sort of stuck in a rut and I don’t really want to be. I would be content if I felt like living at home, striving to make a basic living, and going through my day to day routine was God’s will. Maybe it is. I need to learn to grow where I’m planted I guess. This restlessness has always been a part of me from a very early age. I feel trapped, bruised, hurt, and frustrated. I want the best God has to offer, but I want to go about getting it myself. I’m striving to hard to seek the things I don’t have that will make me happy, instead of relishing on the rich gifts I do have.

I have, truly, the most amazing friends. During this difficult and hard time of my life with a particular situation having amazing friends has meant so much to me. My best friend J has been a rock for me, a true support system. She has even got her husband in on it. It has been a blessing to know they have my back. My friend K at work has also been a rock for which I’m eternally grateful, since we are going through the storm together.

I also will be making a decision in the next several weeks that scares me to the core. I’m comfortable, and to be made uncomfortable pulls at all the wrong spaces. I felt God leading me to go down to speak to my Pastor on this topic last Sunday and I chickened out. I felt sick, and a rough week has been a result of it. I feel that this decision is for the best, but I do not want it to be my will, but His.

Speaking of my Pastor, I have to say that I’m blessed beyond measure to have the most amazing, supportive church family in the whole entire world. I LOVE these people and I know they love me. They have given me strength to endure character slander and plain out meanness in the last few months. They have reminded me of whom I belong to and that I am LOVED! I have also had perfect strangers give me so much support. It is a beautiful thing.

My sisters, gracious gravy, they are probably the one thing that keeps me sane. I see their struggles, and I mean some of them are down right scary, and I see how they handle them, and of course I cover them with prayer, but it astounds me the support we give each other. I love them so much.

I had no idea what I would be writing, so please forgive the random thoughts. It just feels good and right to write again. I’ve missed it A LOT!

I’m also thankful for all of you…I’m blessed beyond measure every day. I don’t deserve what I have, but boy oh boy am I thankful for it.

I guess all I need right now is some good old fashioned PRAYER! I will fill you in once the decision has been made and the other individuals know. I made the mistake once of posting something I shouldn’t have before I spoke to the right individuals and, well it just wasn’t cool of me. I’m a beautiful work in progress, and I’m learning from my mistakes.

Love to you all…writing more soon…hopefully…promise?

9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;

the LORD accepts my prayer. – Psalm 6:9

14 Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD. – Psalm 27:14