The Art of Healing
It is a funny, full, complicated thing, LIFE! You think it will turn out completely different, and even now, as my life has so regularly been turned on its axis, I’m still deeply surprised that it still surprises me. I make plans, somewhat futilely, possibly out of desperation or boredom, only to have them washed away with gale force. This sudden turn of events always leaves me scratching my head a bit.
When I left my job in December I felt so completely dead and dull that I was certain that the anesthetic would never wear off and I would be stuck this way forever, a sort of mechanical vegetable. I was resigned to the fact and sort of relieved. As the months passed the long thaw began to happen, LIFE took hold, and a deep surprise entered the room unbidden, but most richly welcome…HOPE! Hope is a beautiful thing that often sneaks up on you. There are times when it is physical, you can literally know when it is upon you, but more readily it comes quietly and you have often lived with it for several days before you realize it is even there. This is what happened for me, the healing of soul and spirit!
Then something else came upon me, that which is the opposite of hope, just as surprising, and just as rich…FEAR! It crept up, swelling and spilling over, drowning hope in its wake (or so it seemed). It’s common knowledge that HOPE FLOATS, or had you forgotten that part. It rises above the fear and settles eternal in you (in me).
As always with hope a sort of euphoria comes over you and you forget the power of suffering. You don’t hope or pray for pain or fear, but it always rises up, feeling harsh and jagged. It’s in these moments you realize you would never depend on Him if you weren’t going through it! It refines you, settles you more closely to Him, and makes you realize how dependent you are of Him.
After quitting, and hope, and the journey of unending possibilities my blood pressure shot up again. It was like a sucker punch in the gut. I wrestled with it and the feelings it brought. This morning I was walking and questioning God about it. He said, “Melissa, would you have spent as much time in prayer with me if you didn’t have this influx (God often uses the word influx in case you didn’t know) in blood pressure.” Immediately, with tears in my eyes, I said, “NO!” You see I’ve been pleading, praying the “Armor of God” on, seeking Him. The nervousness, the headaches, lack of sleep, light headedness…in suffering we settle in Him!
So, in conclusion, I’m praying for healing in every aspect of my being. It is a beautifully messy art form. I know the work He has begun will be complete and it will be good indeed!
What a wonderful thing, this thing we call LIFE!