Grace revisited...
There is grace
in every moment. Everything is grace. It is a resounding theme. It speaks to
the pain of this life. It is a candle in a darkened room. Grace meets me when I
lay my head on my pillow. It meets me as I rise (& through the countless
times I hit snooze). It holds my hand when the terrain gets steep & carries
me when I can no longer walk. It was placed, free of charge, in my heart when I
asked Jesus there. It was not for my glory, but for His. Grace speaks of God’s
character. His love mines deep caverns.
Trusting…trusting
in His faithfulness. He is faithful, as with Abraham, to erase the blemishes,
sin, & dark blackness replacing His seal of RIGHTEOUSNESS upon my heart.
Knowing…there is a big difference in knowing about God & knowing God!
Believing…believing that He speaks to me & desires me to know His will…to
know Him as intimately as He knows me.
I struggle
holding tangibly to the Holy Spirit. This breath of God, intercessor,
companion, indwelt in me is a mystery. He carves, shapes, hollows as well as
fills, restores, transforms.
25 But
if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
26 Likewise
the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray
for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[a] with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now
He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for
the saints according to the will of
God.
Romans 8: 25-27
The definition of
groan from the Merriam Webster Dictionary is as follows:
1
: to utter a deep moan
indicative of pain, grief, or annoyance
2
: to make a harsh sound (as
of creaking) under sudden or prolonged strain
While a
marvelous mystery, I am deeply comforted by the Holy Spirit. I am amazed; face
down, before this triune God. Every aspect of Him is unique & works for His
glory. The Holy Spirit only prays the will of God for us (Romans 8:27)! He
helps us in our weakness (Romans 8:26). How many times have I prayed for the
wrong things - lost focus of what is worth fighting for? But, God know this,
& in His grace the Holy Spirit groans for us.
I sit back &
ponder this. I hold this word on my lips. I close my eyes & think of the definition
I read. A groan is not a nice sweet reassuring sound. It is weight-full. There
is an overwhelming desperation to a groan. A groan demands attention &
often action. It is not an idle sound, but a sound often made under duress.
I am reminded of Jesus’s prayer in John 17 (as
well as Gethsemane).
I have tried
& failed. In my power I seek to hold my little world in balance. If I pray
hard enough all my “mirages in the desert” will work out as I wish. I hold,
tight fisted, to the things…control idol feeding other idols!
What the Lover
has been teaching me:
1. He loves me.
2. He answers every prayer.
3. He is gracious. All is grace. I am
thank-filled.
4. He wants me to know Him.
5. I can trust Him.
I had all these
gloriously descriptive thoughts flowing through my head during both church
services today. I so desperately wanted to hold them & translate them.
Alas, most were lost & I feel the inkwell, not dry, but lacking.
Yet, I will
write. I will write because it is life to me. I get closer to the root.
I have had
un-right feelings. I have been jealous. I have been bitter.
Fear is an
overwhelming companion.
So…I pray…&
pray…& pray! (And others pray!)
He meets me with
love, answers, grace, knowledge, & trust. I breathe in feeling the
expansion of my lungs. I hold until the air burns fire. Let go gasping. It is
Life that forces out death so that more life may come in – in & out!
I want more in
than out. I want to stop in my moment & pray that I am actually in that
moment. I want to fall deeply in love with God’s word. I want to lie against His
chest & feel His heartbeat.
What of this
work? I frantically strive; my nails bloodied from the digging - the working
out of this life!
4 What then shall we say that
Abraham our father has found according to the flesh?[a] 2 For if Abraham was
justified by works, he has something
to boast about, but not before God. 3 For what does the
Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for
righteousness.”[b] 4 Now to him who works, the
wages are not counted as grace but as debt.
5 But
to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his
faith is accounted for righteousness,
Romans 4: 1-5 NKJV
And…
4-5 If
you’re a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don’t call
your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it’s
something only God can do, and
you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard
and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right
with God, by God. Sheer gift. –
Romans 4:4-5 MSG
It is all sheer
gift. Trusting sharpens faith – letting go.
Every time I
strive I am not thankful of the gift. My world has so often been colored by
seeing grace as payment. Grace was given the moment I believed. I learn to say,
“thank you”! The more thanks parts my lips the more I remember.
He loves me. He
answers every prayer. He is gracious. He wants me to know Him. I can trust Him.
He who learns must
suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon
the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the
awful grace of God. -Aeschylus
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