Sabbath...Holy Gratitude!
4 Love is patient; love is kind.
Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag,
or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; 5 it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not
self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs 6 or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! 7 Love puts up with anything and everything that
comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what. 8 Love will never become obsolete. – 1 Corinthians
13: 4-8a (The Voice)
The snow fell soft transforming the landscape new and clean.
The wind blustered as peace fell deep, bundling tight under covers, canceling
all engagements, I did what any introvert longs to do – I hibernated. It was glorious;
Saturday last. While I was looking forward to my plans I was equally relieved
to be able to stay indoors and shut the world out. The beautiful thing about
introverts is that we are comfortable being with ourselves. The bad thing about
introverts, at least this one, is I struggle unearthing my head out of my
shell. I burrow deep and pray I can sleep till spring. My thoughts, ever busy,
can also be a trying minefield.
So, while this unexpected day was a blessing it was terribly
hard for me to stretch my atrophied limbs and face the sun warming frigid
earth. Yet, I did. My brain was still playing less than holy thoughts of Chris
Pine. The numbing had invaded my spirit. I was present in body, but not in
mind. I begrudgingly went to Sunday service.
The scripture verse for the morning service was Acts 1:8:
8 But
you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall
be witnesses to Me[a]
in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”
As
I navigated through this sermon I was met with some hard truths and beautiful
revelations:
-
Most of
us do not believe to the point of rejection, but we must believe unto death!
-
The
power and love of God is a beautiful mystery.
-
God has
work for me that no one else can do.
-
And,
what is my motive? Why do I do the things I do?
The softening had begun. I did not want to be captive to
base thoughts, but renewed in my mind. I wanted to accept the power that lives
within me and to be a witness in my neighborhood, all of Winchester, Kentucky,
and the far reaches of the world.
The afternoon was met with an invitation. Tamera was
speaking at First Fire. The wonderful women’s group there had just completed Idol Lies by Dee Brestin. I had traversed
this transformative study with the beautiful women who came last summer at Christ
Church in Winchester. I truly felt led to go. I love Tamera, as so many of us
do, and wanted to be a support to her, but I was stepping outside my comfort
zone because I loved Jesus. I caught a glimpse of how much He loves Tamera and
I wanted to watch Him love on her as she loved on these women. She truly has a
special gift as a Shepherdess.
I have to digress here a moment. My beautiful friend Dawn
had me take a personality test last night. I rarely read into these sorts of
things. I take myself as I am for the most part. The wondrously scary thing
about this test was how it seemed to peel back layers with less than comforting
accuracy. One of those would be my facial expressions. As I said before I am
often wondering the hills and dales of my mind. My face is often a "tell"
and can be read wrong by others. I have had so many people say, “Are you
alright?” I really have no idea what they are speaking of because I am feeling
quite alright, but apparently I have a horrid look upon my face.
So, as I am walking into First Fire I am praying to be a
presence for Tamera, a blessing to others, and to not make a face!
As I enter the building I am greeted by the warm arms of my
beloved sister. Tamera’s hugs, as with most things she does, are purposeful.
They move in slow and savor, often unfurling the knots knocked in one’s soul
from the past week.
There stood her beautiful daughters. I do not know these
women well. I wanted to wrap my arms around them, but I shied. There are times,
I fear, they have caught glimpses of the ugly in me. Yet, God has placed them
on my heart to pray for these extraordinary women. It is a treasure when God
reveals His love for others to me. He peels back the veil a bit and I get to
see how He truly sees His beloved – how unbelievably captivating they are to
Him.
Some people we are meant to sojourn with in the rocky spaces
of life and some we are simply meant to pray through their rocks, brambles, and
briars (psst…I pray they find their “ram in the thicket” there). So, it is with
these Vaughan women - these beautiful captivating creations. It is glorious to
see how God sees them. It causes my skin to prickle. I am standing on Holy
Ground!!
Tamera introduced me to one of her “Seeds” entries, “Denise –
A Mighty Tree” and her daughter Anna. I could see the gentle strength in
Denise. The roots run deep in this woman and she bears rich fruit in a humble
way. I was immediately taken with her and her beautiful daughter. Anna and I
began to talk. I love fellowship with believers when it cuts through to the
core. Again, I saw God’s heart for Anna. It was if He took this beautiful woman’s
heart and placed it in my weathered hands. I felt incapable of holding its
beauty.
As I sang, prayed, pleaded that God would give me “trust
without borders” my self-centered closed off heart had blossomed. It was open,
fully out of hibernation, ushered into the throne room, and ready, on bended
knee, to receive His love.
The verse I am putting to memory is Ezekiel 36:26:
26 And I will give you a new
heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn
heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.[a] (NLT)
The love of God is
planted deep. There is not a performance test to obtain it and God will never
revoke it. It is a fount of living water. It pours over us as anointing oil –
lending healing, power, and abundance to our lives.
Tamera spoke these things and we drank deep healing
draughts.
I claw at immediate comfort. It is instant and satisfies my
beastly inadequacy. I want to quell the beast I’ve created. God takes too long.
He wants to give Himself to us, and in order for that to happen He reaches in
to the root: pulling and tugging,
cutting, plowing, leaving one feeling like Eustace in the “Voyage of Dawn Treader”
(Aslan tearing through the scales releasing the tiny boy from the dragon). Yet,
I marvel at how good it feels to swim in the warm waters of healing, once the
tearing is done. I look upon my stones and wood and wonder how I ever saw them
as priceless jewels. My heart, warmed by His tender heartbeat for me, basks in
the love of her Savior. I cannot imagine being anywhere else…until I see the
next shiny thing.
In conclusion Tamera spoke of Gomer, how we are like her,
how she had no support group and that every woman was competition in her eyes.
My heart grew heavy. How I compare? How I try to be more?
I am enough because He created me and His blood covers me.
Other women, other sisters in Christ, are not my
competition. They are my sisters. They can help me grow, learn, turn from
idols, and set my heartbeat with the rhythm of His.
I expected good things that day, but I didn’t expect Holy
Communion. Why is that? It is all that He desires to do…to gather us in the
shelter of His wings.
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