A Table for One!
It’s the soft part of the day where
the sun blurs colors in halo; all feels warm and inviting. There is a corner
seat with a small round table cloaked in a crisp white table cloth. Trimmed
daises sit laughing in a vase on the windowsill. An older woman with green eyes
sips hazelnut coffee. A weathered journal and Bible lay open under scraps of
discarded paper. She people watches, turning the claddagh ring that resides on
her left ring finger.
There is an older couple sitting atop
a park bench. She watches the gentleman take the woman’s hand and kiss the top
of her head before he leans back enjoying the daily paper. Young children fly
kites in the park - barefoot. Their laughter is a cadence for life. Women and
men run along the trail cutting jagged edges along the park’s circumference.
It is a beautiful spring day in the
halo of the sun. A secluded moment of life fully lived. There is a peace that
washes over the woman sitting in a corner seat of the coffee shop, as if all
this bustle, life, and joy were orchestrated for her. She knows her Maker, and
bows her head silently praying for each person she has seen today. Suffering
can hide itself amongst many masks. It touches everyone, just as joy does. In
the end, the beauty is found in embracing the joy amidst suffering. It is what
age, and sorrow, and the weight of shattered dreams has taught her.
She turns her attention back to the
Bible on her table. She reads words on thin parchment:
And we know that God causes
everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called
according to his purpose for them.” –Romans 8:28 NLT…
I wanted to
hug her tight. I wanted to wrap my loving arms around her and rock her as the
sobs rattle her. Her beautiful face streaked with rivers of black. Her heart
was broken, crumbling, and burning to ash. The pieces fluttered about her, some
golden embers, illuminating her humorless smile. She felt unloved. She felt God
did not love her because she did not have a husband.
She was 34.
All her friends were married with children. They kept telling her that God had
someone out there for her, but it just wasn’t the right time. They encouraged
her with how beautiful and smart she was. The right man was bound to come
along, sweep her off her feet, and change the trajectory of her life.
She just
couldn’t, for the life of her, understand what was wrong with her?
As we
talked, I began to share pieces of my heart with her; the broken fragments of
shattered dreams. I referenced the scene in “Joshua” where Tony Goldwyn’s
character takes the shattered glass heart and creates a beautiful angel. I fear
my words rang hollow that day. While comforted, I could not touch the deep hurt.
I still pray God does that. I pray she finds a space of solace.
The intro to
this blog is what I wish, simply, for every human being – to live fully in the
ordinary brilliance of life.
This is my
heartbeat as a single woman. I pray you will hold it lightly in your hands;
tender it with care.
After a
certain age people begin to interpret your singleness as a deficiency. It is a conundrum
and a situation that can be fixed with blind dates and sketchy well intentions.
There is disbelief that you can truly be happy as a single woman in her thirties.
I struggled
with writing this post. I waffled back and forth on whether I should even
broach the subject. There are so many things that can be misinterpreted as
bitterness. My heart is in no way bitter. I have one of the richest, most full,
abundant lives I could ever imagine. However, my heart aches for those who
believe God’s goodness is wrapped up in a husband to be.
I think we,
as a church body, have not done a great job caring for the single woman’s
heart.
I love the
sanctity of marriage. I love marriage. I love my married friends. I love their
families and I hit my knees for them. I bow low and steady my heartbeat with
the Lord’s for what He desires for them. I fight for their marriages on my
knees. I encourage them and support their endeavors. I believe in what marriage
stands for. I believe it is a good thing, a rich thing, a beautiful
representation of Christ to the church.
However, I
also believe, that if I never get married that I am enough. I not only believe
that I am enough, but I believe that God’s grace and purpose has intended that
to be so. I believe that He is enough.
If a husband
never comes to you beloved…YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. Christ is an amazing husband. He
pulls us from the briars and thistles, woos us from the cleft of the rock, and
sets a crown of laurel about our heads. He sees our beauty in our utter mess
and cherishes us. He works in the hard stubborn places of our hearts. He gives
us purpose and showers us with His abiding love.
I am 33
years old. If I had my way the trajectory of my life would have gone
differently. I would have been a wife and mother by my mid-twenties. Yet, I
cannot imagine that now. I cannot imagine my life being any more abundant or
rich.
So, what do
we do, as single women who still long for a husband?
Be still before the Lord and wait
patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over
the man who carries out evil devices! – Psalm 37:7
The Lord is good to those who wait
for him, to the soul who seeks him. – Lamentations 3:25
You need to
know that is okay to feel lonely. It is okay to hope and cherish the thought of
God providing a loving husband for you. It is okay to be confident, rich, and
live a full life while you do that waiting. Cleave to God. He knows. He knows
the hurt you feel and he cares. He cares that you have that hurt. He can meet
the need in a way no one else can.
Let you
worth be found in Him! PLEASE!!! Let your worth be found in Him!
He is what
our hearts cleave after.
Mourn. Take
the time you need to mourn your loss. Grieve over the fact that you may not get
married. I had to look at my life through that lens. I had to let go of the
fact that if I didn’t get married and have children of my own that my life was
what it was meant to be. I began to understand the grace in each moment. I
began to reach out and extend my hand to those who are hurting and broken and
found salve to heal the ache.
I don’t
think that being a wife and mom will ever be something I will not desire. It
will always be a fresh ache. However, if God does not fulfill that desire, it in
no way means that He does not cherish me or have His best for me. It does not
mean that my journey isn’t what it is meant to be.
Therefore the Lord waits to be
gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the
Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. – Isaiah
30:18 ESV
If I had one
piece of advice for those who are caring for the hearts of singles it is to
provide grace and understanding; not judgment. Just as God has called you to be
a wife or husband, so He has called me to be single. It is not a holding
pattern, nor a place where I cannot fully understand the weight or struggle of
real life issues. I am fully aware of suffering and sacrifice. I am lonely as
you are lonely at times. We can walk along side one another, learning from each
other as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
There is
need for compassion for the human soul. We are so careless with our hearts. We
bruise, shatter, and rip apart the most precious things – things that should be
cherished and cared for as priceless. Let’s show other’s their worth in the
infinite grace of our Lord. Please, beloved, care for the human heart, care for
the sorrow and hurting of others; including your enemies.
Oh Lord… “Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have
no delight or desire on earth besides You.” – Psalm 73:25
I simply
want to wrap my arms around you and bleed truth over you until you know you are
completely enough and God’s grace is abounding in you. Blessed single sisters
know that God knows your ache. He knows your desire. And, He has come to
fulfill it. He is the water that will quench the everlasting thirst.
I leave you
with the verses found in Philippians 4 from the Amplified Bible:
Not that I am implying that I was in
any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point
where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. I know how to
be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to
enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances
the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having
a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want. I have
strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me (I am ready for anything and
equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am
self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency). – 11-13
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