Hi and Hello There!

I just wanted to drop a quick post this morning. I'm feeling like crap! Not physical sick crap! Emotionally, Spiritually, and Soulfully sick...I stepped out beyond the perameters of my faith...I haven't been in the word in quite a while...I'm physically tired all of the time...I feel disgusting, and I can't even hear God whisper...I feel the chasim opening up, I'm on the edge, the Earth is crumbling, and you know what...I don't care...I'm numb. I don't feel anything...I'm in a fog sort of in my mind. I can't see past it. I mean life in general is good. No major things to worry about. Work, church, family, and friends are blessings in my life. I feel connected, yet not to the source. These treasured jewels in my life are the ones that bring light to my soul. I'm blessed to be breathing...I praise God for what He has done in my life and where He has brought me. Yet, I see clearly where my thought patterns go when I'm not under the will of my Father. I lose sight so quickly. This has been a slow discovery...and yet as I said before I'm in a bit of bitter selfish moment where I just don't care. I'm mad...I don't want to be mad, but nonetheless I'm mad at God. For what, I don't know. I know what I don't like about myself right now...my weight...ugly feelings...that I'm stuck in Lexington, KY, that I'm not breathing tasting feeling living life to the fullest, that I don't have someone significant in my life...why do all the wrong people like me...why can't I live a little dangerously....EEEEK! Now, those who are reading this will probably think that I have gone off the deep end, but rest assured it isn't as bad as all that, but I can clearly see what I'm doing...I can see that my don't care attitude is not where I should be, and there are emotions that I can't even begin to express. I truly feel like Satan blocks our paths with certain physical trappings...and this fog in my mind is so thick I know it is from him...please pray for me...however God leads, because I don't want what Melissa wants, but what He wants...

Lord Father...grant me pretection, and give me passion that only flows through YOU...OPEN DOORS...and grant desernment for which one I should pass through!

I seriously did not mean to go all dark and psycho...I'm just feeling weird...However, this morning was AWESOME! I got to see my beautiful ANDREW this morning....he is one of the most amazing 4 year olds on the planet. He has been away from storytime for a long long long time....he was such a light to me...as well as the big crowd we had for our special Thoroughbred stroytime!!! Great stuff...also been greatly encouraged by the blogs I've read this morning.

Salsa Dancing was SOOOOO much fun! It was a big couples night, we girls just got out there and danced anyway...we are were salsy ladies...let me tell you.

Gearing up for my trip to FLORIDA...Amelia Island here I come! The fam and I will be on vacation from June 4th-June 11th...WOO! HOO! Then when I get back I have about three days and then the church ladies and I go to St. Louis (where my Daddy was born) to a Women of Faith Conference...FUN! FUN! FUN! I need that rejuvination in my soul!

THE TELEVISION EVENT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR....INTO THE WEST!....I honestly don't think I've been more excited about one thing in a long long long time...it deals with two things that I have the most passion about besides Christ...the old West and Native American culture!...Oh this is why I want to make movies...this is what I want to do...stir emotion, thought, passion, and depth into a story so beautifully weaved that you feel as if your heart was pierced by the needle and bled through the fabric of the story as well....Steven Spielberg is phenominal, and I'm so glad that he produced this epic event...I just can't even breath...I'm stirred simply by watching the previews, and I've noticed that in the mental state that I've been in I haven't even been able to watch them...THIS IS WHERE MY HEART IN SO MANY WAYS...starts June 10th...check it out....here is a link to the website!

Well, still many things I want to write about before I go on vacation, will I get to them, we will see. I will tell you when I leave I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH MY TESTIMONY :)

AppetizerApproximately how many hours per day do you spend watching television?
We won't discuss that...I've gotten much better, but I still watch far to much television! (Hey! it is my career goal you know!)

SoupWhich colors decorate your kitchen?
There is wallpaper in my kitchen. The lady who lived here before us did a lot of her own work in the house and somewhat badly...she painted over cherry wood cabinets (white) in the kitchen for goodness sakes...what crack pipe was she smokin'...anyway, I digress!

SaladName 2 brand names you buy on a regular basis, and what do you like about them?
I like what I like whether it is brand name or not...I'm a little particular about the medicines I buy...name brand above generic...but living with a Father is a generic freak gets you kind of used to buying generic....not to bad! I know it is the same thing, just taken me a while to get my brain to really believe that!

Main Course What is your biggest fear?
Death...still true in many ways...not living to the fullest...living with deep regret...hurting others...

DessertIf you could wake up tomorrow and find yourself in another location, where would you want to be?
In the mountains of Colorado with my beautiful "special someone"...horse back riding, hiking, swimming, fishing, reading, writing, laughing, talking, kissing, loving....

Bonus Birthday QuestionWhat's your favorite flavor of birthday cake?
Chocolate or Strawberry!


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