Reflection of Providence

4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind . – James 1: 4-6! Yes, it is alright to ask, but I think it is important to know what to do with the answers. I have always had a questioning faith whether due to being to smart for my own good or too easily manipulated by others thoughts. As I mentioned in my previous post I struggled with the hard questions and what I was going to do with them. I didn’t really trust that I could take them to anyone, and so I hid them and my shame behind a curtain of insecurity and regret that I couldn’t be better. I think the first truth we have to set deep in our hearts is that God loves us, not because of what we do or don’t do, but because He created ...

I love when God begins to work in my life. Over the last several months I have felt the cold chill of silence in my life, a great hallow chasm began to open up and all my hopes and dreams began to seep down deep into my bones. I felt like I had no direction or purpose and I would plead daily with God to give me the answers I wanted and help me on my path. He has once again begun the work He has set out for me and I can feel it strengthening my weary bones and pressing me on toward the finish line He has prepared for me. How do I know He is beginning to work? Well, I’m in anguish, I’m confused, and I’m excited. I still don’t have the answers to all the questions. I have some answers that I don’t trust…yet! Things I had hoped for so long, and well, they aren’t turning out like I thought they would. Isn’t it just like God to go and answer a prayer upside down and inside out to what you thought or hoped for? I keep my vision of the sun coming up over the glorious horizon and know that as t...

There is so much that is grieving my heart right now and so much I wish to share with you guys in the coming days, including my trip to see Mr. Agnew and what I learned from the experience, still learning… This post however is to talk about one specific thing…sin. More specifically how God views it…He hates it. It is a repugnant stench to His nose… First, we are all born into sin. We are not sinners because we do sinful things. We do sinful things because we are sinners. Second, I think we have lost our view on how God sees sin. Third, I feel that many Christians today view the LIVING WORD as dead. That it no longer has power. It is just historical text. The Word of God is living and breathing and does not return void. The Psalms still have as much power as they did when David sang them. My pastor said, “That if God could speak the world into existence, I think He could mean what He said.” Someone once said that God’s creation was a temptation…Everything that God created is blameless a...

What do I think about marriage? I’ve always wanted it. From very early on I have dreamed of children, family, and a loving husband. It has consumed my thoughts, been a HUGE part of my life. However, it has often eluded me. I’ve watched others enjoy love and marriage, and family. While, I’m very happy for them, it does leave an ache in my soul. I have felt like marriage would just fix everything, finding that earthly someone would just make all things better and I could begin life. I have thought that having an earthly man that loves me would complete me and make me whole. NOTHING completes me except Christ. He is all and all and there is not replacing it with a substitute. My husband would quake under the demands that I have placed on him. I am striving to change my thought processes…to see the truth…help me to be the wife that I need to be and not worry about the time or place…help me to prepare and be ready for this amazing Godly man that you will be sending me. Help me to focus on...

These are the beginnings of a list of questions I answered when I was really struggling about 6 months ago. These are things I still battle. I honestly thought these would be tucked away and never see the light of day, but just be a personal reference for myself. As I was re-reading them I was compelled to share. It is difficult for me to be this vulnerable, but I pray that they touch your heart... What do I really believe? Can I hold this Christian thing as true? To answer this honestly is very important. It is also a little scary. For to be truly honest is to search deep and see if I really believe…I’m not talking about the Christian faith that I have made for myself, with the safe cushy boundaries that allow me to dream, be selfish, and get all the little desires of my heart all wrapped up in a neat little package. No, to say ‘can I hold this Christian thing as true’ means to look at it as what it is, NOT SAFE, MUDDY, DIRTY, GLORIOUS, SCARY, FANTASTIC, DEEP, REAL, PASSIONATE, living...

...it is worth repeating...this was an old post from last July and I just feel that it is worth exploring again, at least, I know it is for me. Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the Watchman stands guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat for He grants sleep to those he loves. –Psalm 127: 1-2 I’ve been building sandcastles on His foundation. Like a small child in yellow sundress and clear jelly shoes, pale and shovel in hand, I wobble my chubby legs down to the shoreline. Giggles escape from my mouth as the foamy water slips through my shoes and toes. Arching my little arm I plunge my plastic shovel deep into moist sand; chipped pink nail polish on tiny fingers gripping with all there might…shovel shovel shovel until the bucket is full! With both hands grasped tight on the handle, face scrunching up under the weight of it, tongue sticking out for balance I waddle back to a piece of...