Reflection of Providence

It is a funny, full, complicated thing, LIFE! You think it will turn out completely different, and even now, as my life has so regularly been turned on its axis, I’m still deeply surprised that it still surprises me. I make plans, somewhat futilely, possibly out of desperation or boredom, only to have them washed away with gale force. This sudden turn of events always leaves me scratching my head a bit. When I left my job in December I felt so completely dead and dull that I was certain that the anesthetic would never wear off and I would be stuck this way forever, a sort of mechanical vegetable. I was resigned to the fact and sort of relieved. As the months passed the long thaw began to happen, LIFE took hold, and a deep surprise entered the room unbidden, but most richly welcome…HOPE! Hope is a beautiful thing that often sneaks up on you. There are times when it is physical, you can literally know when it is upon you, but more readily it comes quietly and you have often lived with it...

“Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, “May I have this dance…every day of your life?” His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response.” – Captivating, p. 218, John & Stasi Eldredge. I have read this last paragraph of the last page of this book numerous times. It resides in me like a dull gong. It penetrates through the haze and says there is something more. That the very Lord of all creation would stand before me each day and ask me the simple question, “Do you want to dance?” is almost more than I can bear. How many times have I turned him away? “His gaze is fixed on you.” I shudder to think what He sees. “He is captivated by your beauty.” I find that very hard to believe, and then I feel bad that I’ve just cut down His creation. “He is standing.” He comes and stands before me, He is always near. “He will lead.” I find this most comforting to me, however, I so often fi...

The hope and purpose of Christmas is the best gift we could ask for...Jesus! This season I'm compelled to share with you an organization that is passionate about doing what Jesus did & what we as Christians are called to do...set the captives free. IJM (Internatinal Justice Mission) is an organization that is close to me and my sisters hearts...enjoy the videos, and if you are compelled to learn more or take action in helping their cause check out their website www.ijm.org To see videos please visit my "myspace" http://www.myspace.com/reflection24 or go to YouTube and keyword: International Justice Mission May God bless you this holiday season!

I have to say that it has been far too long since I have done writing of any kind. I’m uncertain if it has been out of fear of letting my mind go freely or just the weariness that has been shut up in my bones. Writing is like oxygen for me; if I’m deprived of it too long I grow unhealthy and a part of me dies. That is very much what I’ve been feeling like lately, that parts of me are dying. The good parts, the bad parts, hopefully more bad than good. I’m not saying that God has not been faithful, I’m just saying I haven’t always been faithful to Him. He is teaching me so many rich and wonderful things, but I’ve also found myself sticking my fingers in my ears and singing to keep from hearing. I think I envisioned my life far different at the age of 28 than it is now. I feel stifled, not able to move or breathe. I’m sort of stuck in a rut and I don’t really want to be. I would be content if I felt like living at home, striving to make a basic living, and going through my day to day rout...

So, a small package came in the mail for me today. I was first afraid that someone was trying to sell me something, but with nervous anticipation I opened the package and this is what I saw (I don't think I have been so suprised, except maybe my high school graduation suprise party)... I SCREAMED! I couldn't believe she had done this. This was something we used to say when things were just stressful. I can't remember, we went to college together, if it was around midterms, finals, what...but this phrase was birthed. You could often just ask how the other was and know if they said it! It was WONDERFUL! I LOVE this shirt. I am going to wear it as often as possible. If I could wear it to work, oh how fitting it would be to, it would just be splendid. My sister said that I had wonderful friends and you know, I do. It isn't anything I've done, but it is by the grace of God that He has provided me such wonderful amazing people in my life. Erin, I have no idea how I'll...

There is a great fear residing in my heart…what if God doesn’t show up when I seek Him! I’ve put Him through it…why does He still seek me and love me? His ways are TRULY not mine. I have to quit rationalizing Him in my finite mind when He is so infinite. This VBS was probably one of the most AMAZING I’ve ever had. First, the material was sound and the backdrop was a Hawaiian theme, which I LOVED. We learned that God was real and there was no other God, Jesus is God’s Son, Jesus is the ONLY way to Heaven, the Bible is God’s Word, and our actions reflect what we believe. I had first and second graders. They were a treasure and taught me so much. In my fear I’ve been procrastinating in my journey forward. There have been enough signals in my life that have shown I need to start taking that next step, but I feel like I’m hanging on a precipice. I’m terrified…which leads to old thoughts…which leads to sin. It’s easier said than done to take the plunge. My sister gave me this awesome quote b...

No, not actual crap or snot…I’m not that gross. These are the adjectives that I use when I’m frustrated about having to do something that I know I have to do and just don’t want to do it. Back in February I signed back up to Netflix. When I worked at B&N I had had this WONDERFUL service for over a year and when I began making less and less money I soon had to drop it always intending to go back. Now, you know how much I love movies and always will I guess. However, I saw myself getting back into my old patterns of life. My old thought processes, my old escapes, my old desires, and I was rebelling against God. Oh, I was going through the motions…tithing, church, service, work. All in all on the outside I looked like a good little church going Christian. On the inside however I was crumbling. When I signed up for Netflix I had this strong feeling that God didn’t want me too, but I brushed it off and thrilled myself at the thought of this new venture. Ever since I have not had a peace...